Living Life to the FULLEST!

Ode to Denae---

2011-11-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

Yes Denae...I know you have been waiting....waiting and waiting for this ode. Afterall--you are one of the few who reads and asks WHEN I am updating---so here goes.

Denae is my baby sister. No matter how old she is the 8 year gap will always make her a baby to me. When I was the only girl living in a house with 3 brothers, I desperately wanted a sister. I prayed EVERY night without fail for my sister when my mom was prego. Did I also tell you that at a very young age I would pray for my eyes to change to blue...but I digress. My Mom ALSO wanted a girl, but feared it would be another boy--so she convinced herself it was a boy. BUT as we all know it was NOT a boy, it was my Denae--or Nae nae as we called her for the first few years of her life.

My sister and I are quite different, but in many ways she is my hero. WHY you might ask...well let me begin. First of all she has a lot of courage. She has lived in Hawaii, downtown Chicago and now L.A. She is not afraid of venturing outside her comfort zone, and even managed to take her two young children to New Zealand. (And yes her hubby went too).

Second of all, Denae is candid and tough. She says what she thinks. I like to tiptoe around things, but if something is up Denae will not fear your opinion, she is confident in what she feels and believes. I think growing up with 4 older strongly opinionated siblings, she had to learn to express herself, and stand on her own. However, I do think it go her beat up a lot more from the boys, which in turn made her tough. Far tougher I might add than this overly sensitive soul that I am. I could use a little of that thick skin in my direction.

Denae has a great sense of humor. There is always a good laugh when she is nearby. For example: Recently her neighbor was sitting on Denae's chair in the patio area. Ben sat on it and it was wet. After the neighbor (who I might add, may have had a little too much to drink) left, Ben told Denae that he thought she peed it. Denae finding it a ridiculous idea, jokingly mentioned it to the neighbor the next day, saying "BEN WAS ACCUSING YOU OF PEEING THE CHAIR! " , who laughingly confessed she DID in fact pee in the chair. WHOOPS! Made for a good laugh, although I think I'd make my neighbor sit in her OWN chair next time. And for more proof of the humor thing read her blog---HILARIOUS! I laugh all the time when I read it.

Denae is very creative. She is an interior designer. She has a style that is all her own. And is always coming up with new innovative ways to design things in her home, and is happy to help others. I really miss that about her not being here anymore.

Above all, Denae is a good Mom. She loves those kids. They are her world. And she finds great joy in them. I miss my Nae-ners and am excited to see her in a few weeks for Thanksgiving. I am glad I prayed her here...and NOT just cuz I would have died if I'd had another BROTHER, but because I love her to death.

Not a blogger?

2011-07-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

I was recently informed by a person,---who will remain nameless--that I am not a blogger as I don't update it enough to be considered one. SOOOO in order to rectify this situation---I shall attempt to blog more frequently. HOWEVER, I am unsure as to how many people are actually reading it and therefore feel little need to update it as I am well aware of my own activities. SOOOO if you are reading --feel free to leave your comments or at least say---"I am reading", so I am not entirely wasting my time:)

That being said---I often don't write for fear that I might offend with my opinions--or bore you, sometimes thinking of something of TRUE excitement ---well it CAN be hard to come by, or the biggest reason as I have previously stated is that I have so much I would like to say, but then when I sit down it's like I hit a blank wall.

This summer has been full already and it's only the beginning of July. School ended for Torie and we said a HUGE "Hallelujah!" as she had a...mmmhhh...undermotivated teacher --who was very clearly looking forward to retirement. It made for a long year---but after 4 years of great teachers, we can't complain when we hit one that was less desirable. And on an even sadder note-Lyssie finished pre-school. Their presentation at the end of the pre-school year is mean---any parent with a dry eye would have to be heartless. I didn't need to cry yet---her going to kindergarten in the fall is already left me with nervousness and sadness. BUT I digress....our summer so far:

We hit Santa Claus, Indiana again and spent two days at Holidayworld. Very little sunburns and lots of water. We rented a cabin this time around, releaving some of my dirt stress, and had some good friends come along. As far as I know we all still like eachother and had a good time! Our favorite ride of all was the Wildebeast a water roller coaster--however a bit awkward. You place your legs on each side of the person in front of you's seat. Now assuming you are in a raft with those you know it is all good---however when you raft is NOT full a stranger is placed in also. It was a rather odd situation to have some strange man's hairy legs under my arms, while he talked to me making casual conversation. I figure it must have been some form of therapy.

We came home from Indiana for 5 days only to take a 2 week long trip to Utah. My parents, and the girls and I all drove out. I still can't decide if driving through the night was good or bad---it sure went faster and beat laying awake all night in a hotel thinking about the fact you COULD be almost there....however...by the time you arrive you are dead for two days. So we wisely opted for a hotel on the drive back. We were able to spend some time with my Aunt and Uncle in Farmington and their kids and grandkids. In addition, my sister and her kids were visiting from California and it was fun to see Taj and Lo. My girls miss them a lot and couldn't wait to see them. Then Jason flew out and we spent 4 days with his parents. It was a full trip and I am always reminded of the dear people in my life that still reside there and the many fond memories I have of my time there. I even was able to visit Logan and felt a bit of nostalgia (sp?) flow through my veins. It's always strange to me that I forget that life has gone on and cities have changed while I was elsewhere. I really hate change, inevitable as it is. I really enjoyed visiting a couple of quilt shops---and loved enjoying fry sauce and Cafe Rio'. Torie is my child and loves fry sauce!

I don't want to bore you with name of people I saw, but I do have to make a shout out to them and let them know I love them and miss them all---SOOOOOO Garity--so fun to see you after almost 20 years, Jen H--can't wait to hear how your quilting goes! Bring Jaden for a trip- my Logan family--(YOU know who you are)--love you guys and so glad I got to see you all (except David ---maybe next time), Jen S.-crossing my fingers for you, Amy---See I doooo blog, Denae "ditto" , My aunt, uncle and cousins--thanks for being my family-you guys are great--BTW make Bethany join FB- Love you all.

Pictures to come.

What my Momma taught me...

2011-05-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so first of all, I have never called my mother, momma, but what my "Mother" taught me is far to formal for me:) With it being Mother's Day I thought I would write a little tid bit about the things I have learned from my Mother. My Mother is an amazing woman who gives of herself to others. SO here is what I have learned and appeciate:

Service DOES matter, and it isn't contingent upon how the other person treats you, I have seen her serve people that weren't always the best of friends to her, but she continues to give.

Keep busy, just because you are a "stay at home Mom" ---hardly means you stay there---there is lots to do and learn.

Learn, learn, learn--never stop learning, there is always more !

Don't say anything about a person behind their back that you wouldn't say if they were standing there

Being a grandma rocks!

Improve on something until it's the best it can be (her bread pudding, custard--trial and error)

Don't make your bed until you have said your prayers---every time I look at my unmade bed I am reminded of what I haven't done yet!

If you don't understand why something happens---"put it on the shelf" and you can ask God after this life what the purpose was (If you don't find out later in your life)

Do all you can to teach your children the gospel---even if it means whiney scripture study at 6 AM, and family home evening full of less than eager participants-sabotaging your every effort.

Don't refuse an opportunity to serve at church---

I am sure there is much more than this---but these are the things I have learned. I have been blessed with an amazing mother, who I do adore. Thanks for always being there Mom! No one could ask for a better Mom!

What lessons has your Mother taught you? Why do you treasure her?

2011-03-25T16:01:00.000-07:00

Honestly...for once I am unsure of what to say or where to start? How do you put almost 9 months of life into words? I can sum things up or simply start from today....I guess I will just sum things up and then try and stay on top of things...SOOOOOO here goes-for those of you who like short posts (Akiko) you may just want to skim this one afterall---it's hard to keep this much coverage short.

Last year was a year of travel for all of us-but especially me!

In August my baby turned 5! Yes 5! Doesn't seem possible, but time just keeps flying by and I sit in awe at how old I am getting! She even lost two of her baby teeth recently....sigh....

Then at the end of August Victoria started 4th grade.

In mid-September we did the event of a lifetime and went to Florida and completed the parental obligatory trip to Disneyworld/Epcot and misc. other places. The girls loved it and I---well let's say I am glad we went but won't be planning a second trip anytime soon!

Beginning of December I took a trip cross country with my sister and her two kids-moving to Long Beach, California. It went better than I ever could have thought and I enjoyed a week in the L.A. area. I was able to see two of my long lost friends (Cara and Kami) who I hadn't seen in over a decade, it was amazing and I was quickly reminded of how much I love and miss them! However, I fear their move near Disneyland may create another trip which I could have said was too far before!

Last day of January we added a new member to our family and purchased a puppy named Natalie-! It became inevitable that we would have to add a dog to our family when we took care of Denae's dog for two weeks and both girls were in heaven. I actually had to convince Jason (the one who loves dogs more than I) that it was okay and would be a good thing. And yes, we do still have our cats, who are less than thrilled about her presence. I enjoy having her underfoot and cuddled up and eating my shoes, rugs, etc! Never knew I could love a dog so much! Stupid dog:)

So I know this is a random post, but unfortunately it is chaos around me between children and a dog ---I can hardly keep my head on straight---did I tell you it's also a Friday night? SO DENAE no I am not closing my blog---I was just taking a BREAK! Sigh.

Summer of heat!

2010-07-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

Our lives haven't been CRAZY per say lately---bit DIFFERENT from the one we have known in the past--so I will try to update as best I can with the insanity!

First, the girls (including my niece Mattie--my "other daughter") and I got to take a trip to North Carolina. Our friend Jodi was going on a mission to Denver--so it finally was justified. On the way we got to stop and see Ashly (my life long best friend and her crew) It had been over two years since we had been to NC and it's amazing how some relationships are still the same --and when you leave there is a small piece of your heart that stays there. It was especially sweet (and heart wrenching)when Bill (Torie's "buddy" from birth) and Torie said good-bye. He would pick my big 9 year old up and hug her and hold her. She kept saying after how much she missed him. It's time like these that you realize the impact of those early years.

Torie took a 2 week trip to visit her Great grandparents (My Mom's parents) and my Aunt. My parent's were heading out there and Torie had mentioned wanting to visit Aunt Carol (she really adores Carol) --so she got to fly out with them and have quite a vacation. She got to see the jelly belly factory (much to my pleasure as I have been living on the bag of "belly flops" since she returned), San Francisco, tons of swimming, movies and fun with my cousins Tara and Nick..(who are in their 20's so I was very impressed with all the amazing things they did with her-) It was a good time for her.

Meanwhile at home--it was Alyssa and I...oh wait and Hunney (my parent's 9 month old puppy) --Jason was ocassionally around but in reality the strike is still on and we see him very little- I digress---Hunney is very cute---however, she is the center of my Dad's world and spoiled rotten. I felt like I had another child...she chewed my new laptop cord, terrorized my cats, and whined incestantly...after one week she went to stay with Samantha. No dog for me. She was so cute and sweet, but I didn't need a whiney extra child:)

So that is where we stand---well for now. I am hangin' in there and looking forward to a new school year for the girls---it has been a summer of fighting and high demands--so I will glady send Torie to 4th grade and Alyssa to pre-school for one more year!

Stronger than I think?

2010-05-25T17:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life I think we truly underestimate ourselves. I was pleasantly suprised to find that has been the case with my hubby being gone all the time now. I always thought that I would fall apart and not be able to handle anything...but I have and to myself amazingly well. House is relatively clean...kids as well, and although we miss Jason around here...we are all generally happy. Dinner is a lot different, unfortunately a lot of eating out (but not large expensive places and Huge meals). However it doesn't seem to make sense to cook when generally half of what I make is consumed by someone who isn't here. Food is wasted and cost as much as an easy meal at Taco Bell. (Plus I really hate dishes--) Nights are different as well as I never know whether I have an extra body in the bed, with him working nights some. At first I was allowing the kids to take turns in the bed or on the floor...but between Alyssa's need to be so close that she pushes you off the bed and Victoria's loud talking in her sleep...I was getting NO sleep. So Game off. It is also amazing how much more Jason and I seem to enjoy one another's company, as it seems like it is so rare these days.
On another note...weight loss and exercise unfortunately has taken a back burner. After vacation it seems that I lost all motivation...between girls sick and no Jason I lost focus. On the other hand I have miraculously managed to maintain the loss I have had---which has gotten me 1/3 the way to my total goal. Still a long ways left...but a significant loss and wonderful to have to get rid of clothes that sag on me---YEA! So I am going to try and commit to a better effort in that area...it'll have to start with the gym and the food from there. All in all I am amazed that something must have changed in my eating patterns otherwise it would all start returning and that hasn't happened. Again---YEA! What a myriad of thoughts...but that is how my brain works...btw--ever noticed you accidently put the wrong song on your playlist--I was just listening and was like "What the heck is this?" ---Certainly not the song I had thought I put! Oh well!

Computer problems=No blog update..SERIOUSLY!

2010-05-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

So about six months ago our computer went down...much to my dismay...after my Brother-in-law Ben fixed it for us...overall it was much better...however one problem now existed. Logging onto blogspot and reading anyone else's or updating my own was next to impossible. Now with our new laptop -YEA YEA YEA! I am able to blog again. And hopefully with accessibility being simplified--more often.
I am not sure where to start or end. Discovering that people actually DO read my blog and just don't comment was at least refreshing...however complaints were more pictures, more entries...but shorter entries for those who are reading ESL! There you have it Kik's!
Six months of my life simplified in a few short sentences. This year has been busy and productive. Alyssa and I went on a rendezvous to California and Utah in mid-April. We were able to visit my grandparents, my Aunt Carol and her fam, and my Dad's Uncle and his cousins while in California. Then we headed to Utah where we saw Jason's parents, and several dear friends. It was a quick but refreshing trip to Utah. It was wonderful to spend time around friends who made you feel like a million bucks and help you remember who you were BEFORE you became a mom and wife. Since returning home my hubby has been dealing with a Union Strike at work--causing him TONS of extra work hours as he is Non-Union and considered management. Meanwhile each girl brought home a different ailment each week for me--Torie pnuemonia and Alyssa a virus with a nice high temp. We recovered well and I am attempting to return to what one may consider a normal life...with a husband who puts in 60-70 hours a week...but I won't complain since it is temporary and the overtime will cover our trip to Disneyworld come Fall. We are anticipating a few other trips this summer..but for now this will have to be my update:)

Is it time yet?

2010-01-28T12:04:00.000-08:00

I have actually had a lot on my mind these past few weeks and believe it or not...I have been thinking I would like to blog. The past few weeks I have tried to make some changes in my life...and I hope that these things are actually beginning to be in the process...let me explain.
Obviously if you know me, you will know that I am very obsessed with my weight. Always have been. As a young teen I struggled a little with eating disorders and being thin was all that mattered. It wasn't until things in my life had settled down , I was better in control of my OCD and was earning self trust, that I begin to "let myself go". I became a big emotional eater...as a teen when stressed I would not eat as food was the enemy, but during college it begin to pack on....and became the way I dealt with stress. What most people that are thin don't know or understand until they experiencing weight gain is the shame that comes with it. I had no idea of the hurt or pain that many heavy adults I knew were experiencing that. I have never excluded another because of weight gain, however I seem to have a different set of standards for myself and deny myself feeling happy and deserving of good things because of my own shortcomings. That being said...I have come to a turning point in my life or at least I hope so.

This was not a "New Year's Resolution" as I really stopped believing in those after so many have failed for me...this is what I am hoping is a lifetime resolution, and I already can feel and in a small way see the benefits. I have began more faithfully doing Weight Watchers..I hate the idea of counting points every day for the rest of my life, but I see it as I would rather do that than continue to be unable to do some things I want to with my children. In addition, I have started going to the gym...it has now been 5 weeks and it seems that the effects are starting to finally kick in. I am amazed that I am getting things done...and although I still fight the dark battle of depression, I am able to do the things I know will keep it from swallowing me whole. I feel like there is hope and it has been a while since I believed...really believed I could lose weight and like who I see in the mirror. I know it starts on the inside..but some of the shame that you experience from major weight gain begins to lessen as you regain that control. SOOO...if you are at the point I was even just a few months ago...hang in there...give it your all, it's worth it. And that is my thought for the day. What life changing habits have you created that make you a happier person?

Catching up...at least trying...

2010-01-10T13:20:00.000-08:00

I realize it has been a while--and in fact several months--I have thought many times as things have been going on "Wow, I need to blog about that.." great ideas...however..VERY poor follow through. So I will try and recap the last three months, forgive me as my memory disappears with each year!

We celebrated Halloween--the girls had a great time--Alyssa was a baby at one event and a dog at another, while Victoria was a "fancy" Vampire. They got their LOAD of candy which is still by some miracle lingering around our home! At what point one tosses it I am not sure---but I do believe we are VERY close to that point!
We went to San Destin, Florida for Thanksgiving. My parents rented a place for us all to stay and spend a Thanksgiving away from home. Not all my siblings were able to make it, but Denae/Ben and crew (and Ben's mom and step-dad), Aaron, and kids, my parents, Matalyn (Matt's oldest) and our fam all got to go. It was a fun experience. The girls LOVED searching for shells and Torie even spent a lot of time freezing her bootie off in the ocean. They have been begging to go to Florida again. We ate at Cracker Barrel for dinner which was a fun change and had a nice time! Thanks Mom and Dad!
We joined the St. Peters Rec-Plex. It is a local sports/exercixe facility very near by. We swam the first night and went ice skating the next. However, on the second night, Alyssa fell and Jason's ice skate managed to go over her middle right finger cutting a tendon. It required surgery and stitches. She did great during surgery and is recovering nicely. We are grateful that my parents have a plastic surgeon in their ward (Brent Stromberg) who really made the whole process a lot easier on us parents!
We celebrated a nice Christmas and my grandparents got to be here from California. It was a nice Christmas we all got "fun" stuff and enjoyed one another, despite the fact I felt a bit like scrooge this year.

All in all the last few months although eventful have been very good and we are looking forward to a wonderful 2010! I will try to blog more often (AND NO IT'S NOT A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!) and will even do an ODE to a sibling, just for you Denae! A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Pictures to come of Lys's finger and my parents new puppy!

Elements of Friendship

2009-10-11T08:13:00.000-07:00

Over the last few months for whatever reason (maybe the lesson in Relief Society a month ago spurred it), but I have been having an intense gratitude for friends. Over the last couple months I have had a variety of experiences each causing me to evaluate my own strengths and weaknesses as a friend. And these are the things I think I have learned....

In friendship sometimes you are the giver, sometimes the taker...but try not to be one or the other for too long...everyone wants to be needed and everyone has needs.
Friendships may dissolve...it happens...sometimes due to distance, life changes, etc...it doesn't mean you are a bad friend, if you made a mistake learn from it...I know I make many.
Sometimes friendships re-kindle and you find that although years have passed things are the same as they once were --just in a different time in your life and there is AMAZING happiness when that happens. You find a piece of your life you didn't know was missing. I know this sounds cheesy but I have had this experience so much in the last few months (in one case thanks to Facebook) and it's just AWESOME!
Don't be afraid to express your love for your friends or gratitude for their gifts and talents. I am surrounded by so many talented and wonderful people...I always had a hard time expressing my love for people..but something in me has changed and if I see a talent or am grateful for someone, I now try to express it. Life is so fragile and I don't want to miss a moment.
Some of the best friends can be found in the rarest of situations. My Dad and Mom have a gift for enveloping those around with kindness and friendship. Sometimes we think that if we don't have TONS in common with a person, then what's the point of the friendship. Too many times in my own life, it is those I have the least in common with that can teach me the most about a whole different world that I know nothing about. (Don't get me wrong I am not out on skid row...just sometimes people that I wouldn't have thought of...)

I don't write this because I know it all...I don't and am learning...but I am so grateful for the treasured friends that I have and through them I see God's hand in my life. I only hope that I can be that friend in return. Thanks Ash, Betsy and Heather especially for helping me to remember what friendship is really all about..

What have you learned about friendship? Who has inspired you?

Who am I?

2009-09-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

Okay---so really, I don't want my blog to be about DEEP stuff all the time, but I am a thinker and frightening as it may be...it comes out a only a little bit on this blog. SO, Sunday my family was together, with some friends and someone who has known me for a VERY long time....said something that really has disturbed me...she said "Yeah...you were a tough one, Melanie" (referring to my teenage years...). Really? Seriously? I recently was also informed that another woman in my ward told my mother I was a rebel back in my teen years...again ---seriously? I know people say things without really thinking them through...but if I was a rebel it was a pathetic one. I can only hope and pray that my girls are the kind of "rebel" I was---I guess if you are Mormon you have a different perspective of what a REBEL is...but to me dancing close at church dances, drinking Dr. Pepper, talking during seminary (and occasionally showing up late---can you believe it), and kissing boys (NOTHING more) does NOT define a rebel. Don't get me wrong I liked to portray that I was on the edge...(no one wanted to be "too good" ) but truth be told---I wasn't.
So what misinterpretations or things have others noted about you---that couldn't be more incorrect?

What's up at this end.....

2009-09-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

So it's been a month since I last updated and I am embarrassed to say that a myriad of amusing/exciting things have happened, hence why I haven't blogged---I have been busy...

Victoria started 3rd grade...it just doesn't seem right. She is doing okay---but having a bit of a hard adjustment to the "mean kids" that seem to end up in every class. She takes so much to heart that it eats her alive sometimes...I am not sure where she gets it (hope you can sense the sarcasm there!) And let me tell you I had no idea that such words as "definitely" and" San Francisco" could be 3rd grade spelling words! I discovered after way too may years to count, that definAtely is NOT spelled with an "A"--harsh reality for me.
Victoria also started soccer again---she has a new coach and her colors are black and bright orange---perfect for the fall---just wish they'd get new ones in the Spring.
Victoria has started piano and starts choir tomorrow morning---we haven't been keeping up well with piano since her teacher (Grandma) has been out of town for almost 2 weeks, (gotta blame someone right?) but we ARE trying.
Alyssa started dance two weeks ago---she Loves it!
Alyssa ALSO started pre-school last week for 2 1/2 hours a day---3 days a week----giving me what? FREE TIME! I am having a bit of a hard time with it---just really missing her---but give it another week or two and a few more miserable trips to the store WITH her and I think I will start really enjoying it.
Alyssa also turned 4 AND got her ears pierced---I have a TON of pics---but I am handicapped when it comes to downloading pics from the camera and CD's so that is why often there are very few on here.

All in all things are good. I am really looking forward to a GIRLS weekend out. This weekend my Mom and I are driving to Owensboro, Kentucky where my best friend growing up (Ashly) is meeting us---as here Mom lives there and we are going to play. I can hardly wait---NO KIDS---FUN PEOPLE!---RELAXATION---NO RESPONSIBILITY---you get the picture...I am hoping to come back refreshed and possibly ready to get back to reality. Well there you have it an update...and it's ALL for you Shannon---BTW---how often do I have to update it to avoid the "YOU NEVER UPDATE YOUR BLOG" comments from you Shannon? Give me a heads up!

Too Deep

2009-08-06T09:29:00.001-07:00

I write this post with a bit of hesitation as it is quite a bit personal. I am not looking for sympathy or pity...more just an outlet. So here goes...

The last few weeks and months have been hard on me, my little family and my extended family. So much has happened over the last year it has been hard to blog at times for fear of just whining and spilling out every emotion that I have been feeling, which unfortunately at times have been less than positive. Just about two weeks ago, my Dad had another stroke. Yes, this is part of the disease, and is to be expected, however with every stroke comes the harsh reality that life is fragile. My father's especially right now. Not knowning whether we have today, tomorrow, or years. It seems that we are losing bits of him all the time, as he once said of his own father when he passed away, " I lost my Dad a long time ago." I have shed many tears in quiet moments by myself, and had embarrassing times in public realms when something touches a tender spot and the tears flow without control. It's hard to see my Mom suffer and be unable to ease the pain. Above all though, it's painful to see my Dad suffer. The biggest challenge of this disease is that it comes and goes...some things are constant, but often he will say things and not remember he has even said them, while other times he will almost be the Father I have always known. He knows that he is dying bit by bit and fears being stuck in a body and mind that isn't working, but is helpless.
One of my biggest faults is that I want to make everything all better, I want to fix things, everyone else and have peace. This time there is very little I can do and my heart aches in my helplessness. I know I am not alone in my pain, as I have siblings who hurt as well, but we each feel things differently and handle them in seperate ways. I will say that it has pulled us together on more than one occassion, and wonder if this is something we are supposed to gain from this experience. Again, I know the basics and know this is all part of a plan that I often don't clearly understand, and it is all for a purpose, but there are days when the overwelhming hurt of losing a parent when I feel far too young and unprepared seems plainly unfair.

Three days of bliss:

2009-07-26T19:11:00.000-07:00

In the beginning of June our crew went to Santa Clause, Indiana. First of all let me tell you, if you live in the midwest and haven't been, it is a must do. We loved it. It is a small---very small---town that has an amusement park and water park called Holiday world. We opted to go for three nights. However, here is the catch---anyone that knows me, would guess I am not quite a camping girl---and that is truly the case. Bugs love me, making it less than desirable for me to spend too much time outside, but I digress. We opted for the cheaper option and stayed at Camp Rudolph. Now this camp is NOT roughing it by any means, but we did sleep in a tent and that was roughing it enough for me. Thank goodness for air matresses --which made sleeping on the ground dealable. It was funny to have the girls all over the mattresses as I would inadvertantly catipult them. There was lots of laughs. We had lots of fun together as a family even though we did get rained on, two of the nights. It was a good bonding trip and a nice getaway without spending too much of our savings. What fun getaways have you done this summer?

Needed a break!

2009-06-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

So things here have been quiet on the home front---well in general, however there has been a great deal of fighting and it seems my daughters are once again on the war path with one another... Really it is a love/hate relationship--one minute they are the best of friends amicably playing barbies and the next they are fighting over which Barbie is whose. Alyssa is the instigator and I am beside myself as to what to do. As a result Alyssa (who is 3 and will be 4 in August) and I had the following conversation--keep in mind, my children are quite conversationalists at very young ages--not sure where they might get that...sigh.

Me: Alyssa what is going on? Why have you been so whiney and nasty lately?

Alyssa: I haven't been getting enough 'tention lately---Torie gets to go places with you and I have to stay home with Daddy. I need more loves and that is why I have been a little grumpy lately.

So as you can see I am in trouble with this child---she plays her cards well and is already smarter than I am---the scarey part is that she has been for...quite a while.

Another Alyssa-ism---I was telling the girls that we were all going to get haircuts for the summer---and jokingly told them even Daddy (who shaves his head daily) to which Alyssa responded---"Mom, Dad doesn't need a haircut--he only has weeds." I am now beginning to wonder if we should just let his "weeds" grow and we can have a family weed pulling activity.

So if I don't blog regularly you can NOW better understand, I am feeling constantly sheepish as I am being outsmarted by a 3 year old and half the time I don't even know it. Imagine my blog in ten years and you have a frightening concept.

Where does one start?

2009-06-09T18:13:00.000-07:00

Okay---so after several people saying I don't update my blog enough, I am going to try and keep it more up on MY life. However...in my defense---several of these complaints came from friends I had no idea were even following it, SOOOO if I had known they were reading, maybe I would have been more apt to write .....then again...maybe not, but let's pretend.

Today the girls and I went to the park and McD's with some friends and we had the discussion of what they would/do write about in their blogs...they both said their kids...I had to ponder this and think---WHAT DO I REALLY WRITE ABOUT???? If you have ever had a conversation with me (which if you are reading this blog I would hope you have...) you know that I can often be like a tornado picking up a topic and dropping it and moving quickly to another---pretty much all over the place---and I feel that is what my blog is like---what is on my mind at the moment...so here you have it...

Sometimes it seems that life is so fast paced you don't even realize you haven't taken the time to stop and smell the roses---afterall you don't even realize they have bloomed because you were spinning your head in a 360 ---that has been the last few months---nothing bad, few fun things...but go go go...and NOW everything has calmed down and I feel a bit overwehlmed with the time I have and where to start. SO what has changed in my life:

1. I am no longer working two days a week---I know that two days isn't a lot, but it was a committment and a guaranteed obligation. The building where the Mother's Day Out program I have worked at for the last two years officially was sold---and our program is now homeless and I am jobless. For me it was a bitter sweet---I had made several dear friends, but had been debating about whether or not to continue the next year, not that I would have ever chosen for it to be homeless, but it made one less decision I had to make.

2. Victoria is done with soccer, all three school clubs and school. I didn't realize we had "overbooked" her---the clubs were not all every week, but they took their toll on my free time.

3. I was released from being the Primary secretary a couple months ago---and that took more toll on me than I realized---I didn't mind it---but bi-weekly meetings added yet another responsibility.

I guess I didn't really need to number them---I thought SOMETHING more must have changed---but those few things are it. And that is where we have been at---we also took a 3 day camping trip to Santa Clause, Indiana---I have pics and fun stuff to share---but for tonight---it's an update and about the best I can do.

What things keep you from relaxing in life? What times have you found that your life was in chaos?

PICS!

2009-05-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

These are a bit old---but they are my TORIE!

My dear Victoria!

2009-05-14T15:19:00.001-07:00

The last month or so has been a bit of a blur---nothing bad---just busy. As a result I have neglected my duty to blog, once a blogger always a blogger? In addition, I have neglected my responsibility to read others blogs---I hope I am forgiven and allowed to return to the world of blogging...if not then bypass my latest update , get over it and move on...

April and May have been full months for my little family---Victoria turned 8 on the 13th of April. With 8 being the age of baptism in our faith, she was very excited and ready. She was then baptized on the 2nd of May.

Victoria is such an amazing child. I often don't feel like I as a parent deserve such a sweet, obedient child. She was born a little adult and has such an understanding of life. She is such a happy girl. She will often come up to me and hug me and say "I am so glad I am on this earth." She is just glad to be alive and finds such joy in the simple things---the things that I, as an adult so often have forgotten and fail to notice. She has such an amazing love for her little sister who desires to be just like her...in so many ways. She finds happiness in all the little things around her and it is a gift to our family...without her I would be lost---she is such a part of me and my world. She loves so much to be with mom and dad that she won't sleep over at anyone's house...even my parents...she just has to be with us. It's funny to leave my 3 year old and have my 8 year old say..."No Mom, I want to go home with you." I laugh as I was the very same way when I was young...sometimes the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

Her baptism was great and the Bishop was very impressed with how ready she was--he said she was the most prepared child he had seen since he had been Bishop---(I know I shouldn't brag---but I really don't take credit---it is the person she is...not my doing as much as I hate to admit it).

Happy Birthday Victoria---!!!!

Ode to my sibling: Aaron

2009-03-25T20:07:00.001-07:00

Okay---so things here have been busy---but I felt like posting tonight---not sure why, just did.
I decided that I would do a little "ODE to my siblings" . I figure I will do an ode to one sibling at a time, so I will start with Aaron.....SOOOOOOOO:
Ode to Aaron:
Anyone that knows Aaron knows he has given me quite a few different aspects to work with...where to start...where to start....
Aaron is a natural comedian, he can have our whole family in pain from laughing so hard. He has a knack for thinking up things...that my brain, just naturally doesn't. He is the only person I know that could think of replacing a sandwich from one of the rotating, vending machines with someone's underwear, so they would have to pay to get them back. Sick and wrong---YES..., funny...also yes! Problem is that you will NEVER win if you try to get him back---payback isn't worth it, unless you do it in secrecy. In High School, Aaron constantly snagged my hairspray (which with my minimal income I covered) and he would use tons. It took him as long to get ready in High school with his feathered 80's do as it did me (and I had the BIG bangs---NE-ways...I digress), so I had enough and left a wee bit in the buttom of the bottle (so it smelled the same) and filled the rest with sugar water. Oh how it did my heart good when he would come home and his hair was flat and nappy (can I say nappy?) ---the bathroom counter was entirely sticky and sugar coated, but Aaron never figured it out. It was years before I told him---and I laughed, and laughed and still laugh. Some of the hardest times I have ever laughed was because of him!
Aaron has bonded with the people from his mission like no one else I have ever known. He has been home for 17 years and still goes back regularly to visit. His mission really changed his interests in his life and who he has become. He is much more of an outdoorsman than he was before it.
Aaron is a huge example of faith to me. I have recently watched him and been so impressed with how strong his testimony of God is and his devotion to his family. His love for his children is amazing and he knows what he wants.
I have really grown to look up to Aaron and am proud of who he is and continues to become! I love you Aaron!
What stories Memories do you have of Aaron that make you laugh, cry, etc?

Once a month....I post

2009-03-07T18:01:00.000-08:00

Okay---so I have been horrible at posting---this new thing called FACEBOOK---has really distracted me. However, I have also been overwehlmed with both positive and negative things in my life. I will begin with the positives:
My Father retired last Friday. Now this may not be a big thing to some people, but my Dad has worked for Dupont since before I was born. THAT'S A LONG TIME! We (mainly Jared, my Mom, Samantha, and some of my Dad's co-workers) managed to pull off a surprise retirement party last Saturday. It was an fabulous experience. I have always loved my Father and been proud of him, but as I saw people that came in from all over the United States (California, Nevada, Montana, New York, Illinois, Tennesee, Florida, Arkansas,--you get the point) just to be there, it was amazing. They honored my Dad with different people telling about their experiences with him. I don't mean to gloat, but I felt so blessed and honored to be his child. The things people said about him were amazing to me. I think sometimes we fail to see how incredible people we love are, as we are used to them and take them for granted. It made me love my Father more than ever.
My sister mentioned something in her blog, and I have thought about mentioning it, but didn't know quite where to start--so Denae---YES I am copying you...sort of, and discussing MY feelings about the current family situation. As many of you are aware, I have a sibling who is going through a very unexpected divorce. We have all sat in a state of shock as we have watched someone we have known and loved make choices that seem so contrary to the person we knew. I shed many tears for my sibling--it's hard to see someone you love hurt and not be able to take away the pain. However, I also shed tears for me...for I lost a family member. Someone who shared the joys, and pains with my family for many years...someone who held a place in my heart. I guess what it all comes down to is the same thing I said in a previous blog---No man is an Island. We are all parts of one another's lives and if we choose to do something, whether it be get a divorce, make poor choices, or whatever else...others are affected. In this case...I am one of those people and it has really helped me to RE-evaluate those things that I desire in my life. When we betray our spouse, because we want to play, experience life or whatever else...we betray far more than one individual. I don't ever want to cause anyone the kind of pain I have seen and am hoping that I can live my life more in accordance with seeking the desires of my heart and never with my desires of one moment.
Okay...not sure if that made the sense it did in my head... !

Random tag!

2009-02-01T19:02:00.000-08:00

Got Tagged!Here are the Rules Once Tagged:
I was tagged back in November---a bit late---took me forever to think of truly/rare random things- but here goes!
1) Link to the person who tagged you: Cara
!2) Post the rules on your blog (copy and paste 1-5).
3) Write 6 random things about yourself (see below).
4) Tag 6 people at the end of your post.
5) Let them know they are tagged and leave a comment so they know when your post is up.

1. I love vacuums, pjs and beauty products---not necessarily in that order---but somehow I end up collecting them all---YES even vacuums---I love to buy vacuums ---my sister likes them too, and my brother loves to vacuum when he's stressed---so I am not sure why this obsession exists in my family---but friends it does! As far as PJ's ---always buy them for my girls---can't help myself. Beauty products---I don't know I guess I am just always curious to see what the newest lip or hair product can do.

2. As a child I would vomit when I ran---Yes this is a rare gem of information. I didn't mind running, but I would have a lump in my throat and there you have it. This was a bit of a disadvantage as I loved to run and even hoped to play soccer---but let's face as great as I would have been as a secret weapon---I avoided the field and to this day am fairly horrible at soccer. Sigh....

3. All my siblings, and even my parents were all born in the same town in California. Good ol' Hayward. Seeing as I did move around quite a bit the rest of my life---it seems inconceivable that all five kids were born at Kaiser in Hayward---it did happen. My family had a long history in Hayward---even my grandpa's (my mom's dad and dad's dad) walked home from Jr. High together...

4. I have always had a desire to go back to school for some random jobs or even just do a few different ones that don't require an education---and here are a few: hair stylist, esthetician, Marriage and Family Therapist, Accountant, aerobic instructor (that one is a ways off), financial planner, interior decorator for now that is all I can think of, but I am always coming up with more jobs I would love to do before I die---I had to try out waiting tables for this very reason---it was a nogo---liked the money and the people at the tables---not the environment.

5. I love to decorate my house and would LOVE to help others---I guess that this is a take off of the previous one---my house is currently not up to my desired standard---but I love to redo rooms. I love to get new ideas and wish I had a magic helper to paint and put up pictures as I like (My husband does the job on occasion---but he does have a regular job)---it is the creative side of me.

6. I have an addictive personality---no, no, this is not some kind of confession, it is just the way I am. I get quickly addicted to things and am very grateful I don't drink or smoke as I would struggle forever to quit. For some reason that is just my temperment...

And there you have it...I am going to break the cycle and not pass this on as I know so many of you have done it before, but there you have it---my random quirks!

Updating

2009-01-10T08:07:00.000-08:00

Okay...so this blog will be a MYRIAD of things afterall it has been like a month..where does one start?
Holidays...they were okay...with family stress it tends to take the relaxation out of it, however it happened and we all survived, and I think the kids had a good one. We did lots of extra fun things like lights at the zoo (nevermind we spent 90% of the time in the BuildaBear with the kids...I'll post pics later--it's funny!), watched lots of Christmas shows, did Breakfast with Santa, made a gingerbread house, etc. I think we did our parental responsibility of "making it fun", and even managed to have some fun ourselves---can you believe it?
Latest quotes from Alyssa...

She put on a pair of overalls....and comes out saying, "Hey Mom, I am a farm!"
One night she was sitting and looking at me..."Do you like looking at mommy?--
"Yes. " "Why?", to which she responded, "Because I love you." MELT MY HEART!
The other day my mom asked her to turn out the light in the bathroom, to which she responded..."IT'S NOT EASY!"
And my favorite---Alyssa doesn't sleep well in her own bed---so when she does she gets a treat. One morning, I was having a chocolate to which she responded.."Mom you weep (sleep) in your own bed." "Why yes Alyssa I did!"

She is my clown all the time. It's hard to keep her in line cuz she makes me laugh so much.

Well I hope that you all had a Merry Christmas and have WONDERFUL New YEAR! Loves to ALL!

Proud AUNT!

2008-12-11T08:11:00.000-08:00

And the baby is here! My sister had a baby girl yesterday morning at 3:40---Lotus Dawn Katzoff! She is beautiful! She brought all the joy we hoped and knew she would to our family. She is so sweet and it was fun to see my girls loving her so much already. Alyssa couldn't stand not being able to constantly hold her. We had to laugh on the way home as we asked everyone what their favorite thing about the new baby was...Victoria and Jason loved her cry, I loved her long feet, but Alyssa---she loved the bow on her head! Leave it to Alyssa for a laugh. She was 7 pounds 11 ounces and 19 3/4 inches (I think..). Denae was a trooper and had an accidental naural birth---labor started at home at 2:30 AM and baby barely at the hospital at 3:40! WOW---We are all so thrilled. Here are a few pics of the girls with her last night!

Late list!

2008-11-30T11:34:00.000-08:00

Okay...so I am feeling a bit negative and a bit like Eeyore ---whiney, negative and complainy *my own word*---hence I haven't been writing. I will keep it to myself as to the many reasons why...but I guess you could say I have been in a funk. It's been a challenge to understand a number of the things that have happened in my life over the last year---but I guess what it all comes down to is that "no man is an island". I think one of the most crazy ironic statements one can make is "It's my life." Every thing we do affects others for good or bad. Okay...so this may be a myriad of thoughts. Despite all the drama lately, I am truly grateful for a lot of the little things. I have probably spent more time being grateful this Thanksgiving than a lot of other ones...grateful for random things...things outside "the givens"
So here goes my random list:

Electricity in the basement! YEE HAA! Loving my new laundry room light!
Employment---need I say more
A good class of kids at my work---I love these little ones!
A decent hair cut---it's not perfect---but it sure beats some of the 80's do's!
A new niece or nephew in a week or so
A warm halloween and Thanksgiving--it was great!
Blogging-it gives me an opportunity to think about my life and keep in touch with people I have lost!

Allright it was short and sweet, but it had to be before I mentioned the "givens"---SOOO what are you grateful for beside the givens?

I am a FRIEK!

2008-11-15T17:02:00.000-08:00

Okay...so WHY would I say such a thing about myself--well the truth is that it is time that I acknowledge my strange gift. We all have been given strange gifts some that we are born aware of and others that we come to accept, love, and deal with. SOOO...what is it I am getting at...? Well as some of my long time friends have discovered I have an unbelievable LONG term memory. My short term memory sucks rocks! I could hardly tell you what I did yesterday (I have been told that is due to Long term use of meds for my OCD--but justify it as I may...I think I am just stupid sometimes...NE WAYS---I digress), however I can tell you stories that often you won't remember and many I would like to forget. Okay...so that is dealable right? It goes a bit further, I have anability to recognize people I hardly knew, after having not seem them for long amounts of time. This wasn't such an issue when I lived in North Carolina, afterall how often did I really run into people on the streets that I went to college with or high school, but having returned to St. Louis I have opened a huge can of worms. Here's the latest story:
So Friday I am at my work picking up Alyssa from school, a girl walks by the doorway as I am standing in the room, I recognize her without a moment's hesitation and say "Hey Jessica"---She is walking by so she returns...she looks at me, I say "Jessica---Melanie Silva"---Now she is frieked out---and we talk blah blah blah. This was not a close friend, or anything, just someone I chatted with at times. It had been sixteen years since I saw her and undoubtedly we BOTH look different, yet my mind recognizes her. The worst part is I cannot tell you the number of times I have done this and it is like I cannot control myself---we all know I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut---but this is like some friekish, tourette's syndrome thing---I know you, I see you, I must yell your name whether you know or remember me or not. SO there you have it...it has created some pretty interesting moments (especially on a number of occassions when the person has no clue who I am and how the heck I know them (until of course I use my gift to tell them exactly where we knew eachother from) and then they feel sheepish if they have no clue. Oh well...what are your unique gifts? Spill the beans friends!

Mouths of Babes

2008-11-02T18:42:00.000-08:00

SOO it's been a while...things have been unbelievably busy---I will leave it at that. I have to brag about my girls for a minute---I hope THAT is allowed on blogging. They are my joy in life. They make me laugh and the following are a few stories on why!

Torie (7) and I had a discussion on how it probably wasn't best to tell people on the phone I was in the shower or bathroom, and so if she could just tell them I was in "dispose" (after the following scenario, I would MUCH prefer she just told them where I was). As life would have it, I was in the potty and the phone rang and of course Victoria answered, much to my gratitude or so I thought. As I emerged from the bathroom Victoria said, "Mom, I answered the phone, but don't worry I told them you were Exposed"---In shock, I said "What did you tell them"--to which she repeated "exposed"---I broke into laughter and was greatful that she could bring such a good laugh to a friend! When Victoria actually realized the word she accidently used she was horrified---which made it funnier.
Alyssa (3) did the child like thing to do and farted in the car---Victoria was appalled (while Alyssa giggled her heart out) and said "Alyssa--that is gross--it's not funny." To which Alyssa happily replied--"It's funny to me."
Torie recently went to the ward chili cook off---when she was talking about it the next day she said, "You know mom, last night at the hot chili stand off."---It painted quite an interesting picture!
Alyssa was outside watering plants with my mom...my mother told her that the plants were saying "thank you" to her for giving them water...my mom then sees Alyssa watering the plants and saying "your welcome, your welcome."
Alyssa was helping me fold laundry tonight and was doing quite an amazing job of folding wash cloths---I expressed my gratitude to her for doing such a great job and gave her a hug, after each wash cloth she reached out for more recognition and another hug---to which I said, "you really love mommy to hug you don't you," Her response was, "yes and I like it when you call me the "bomb"---
Torie loves to play soccer, however we have had a lot of laughs as she would literally skip to get to the soccer ball. I once stated, why does she want to play soccer when she is dancing on the field. We also enjoyed as she would run after the ball, and next to it, but rarely kick it.
Lastly, Alyssa was a Poodle for Halloween---however no matter how hard she tried to pronounce it --it came out "piddel"---when people would ask what she was going to be for halloween---she would say "piddel" and people would say..."A pillow"---and I would explain a Poodle. It became a joke at work as none of the teachers could understand her and would laugh when the heard it...she got tired of saying it and a wee bit embarassed so she would just say "I don't know." I suggested she say a puppy---but she had other plans...when people would ask her then, she would say "A piddel" - get on all fours and run around like a dog. She figured if they couldn't understand her ---she would FIND a way to get the message across!

And there my friends is a little insight into my world of laughter. They make me laugh and bring a ray of sunshine into my life. EVERY DAY! I can't say enough how much I love my little girls!

It happened

2008-10-06T12:03:00.000-07:00

Got tagged!
I guess with blogging, it's inevitable someone will eventually tag you and here it is!
Answer the questions with one word (or a little more) and then tag three people.
1. Where is your cellphone? purse
2. Your significant other? making a living
3. Your hair? back to natural dark brown
4. Your mother? giving
5. Your Father? funny
6. Your favorite thing? holding my kids
7. Your dream last night? don't recall one
8. Your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper (unfortunately it's come down to DIET)
9. Your dream goal? ability to find complete joy in life
10. The room you’re in?basement
11. Your hobby? Mmmhh..nothing off hand....
12. Your fear? Offending others
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? St. louis is fine
14. What you’re not? mean
15. Muffins? cinnamon struesel
16. One of your wishlist item? finished basement
17. Where you grew up? st. louis
18. Last thing you did?the park
19. What are you wearing? jeans/T-shirt
20. Favorite gadget? Pampered chef stuff--love it!
21. Your pets? two cats
22. Your computer? on
23.Your mood? moody
24. Missing someone? yes
25. Your Car? subaru
26. Something you’re not wearing? my glasses
27. Favorite store? Target
28. Like someone? lot of someones!
29. Favorite color? dark purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31.When was the last time you cried? yesterday

Mmmh and so here it is...who do I tag???? Gillie, Pinky, and Jessica. Have fun!

Mini-me....

2008-10-02T19:19:00.000-07:00

Yes...two posts in less than three days...it's a miracle....I really must be on a roll here. Or maybe I just figure that I can take a break for like two months.
So seriously...the other day I asked Jason "Jason did you really think that when you married me, you would end up with TWO more of me? " And yes that is how it is at the Lott home...Jason, myself and mini-me 1 and mini-me 2. Victoria is very orderly about everything and likes things a certain way ----everything is fairly clear to her...there is a way for things and that is the way it SHOULD BE (like me) and Alyssa is the more spirited side of me...loves to tease. Now I must say that these two sides of me have fought amongst themselves at times, but it is quite interesting to see the two sides in two different miniature people turn into literal fights. "Mom, Alyssa said this...." (Victoria taking life too seriously/literally as I do)...Alyssa meanwhile snickering at the joke she just played on her sister (Alyssa letting the "Dennis" (and yes...Melanie) side of her out). So there you have it...meanwhile Jason is living with all females --including our Female cats who have even taken things out on him (One peed on his stuff once, once ((Johnny Dangerously---for those who know that flick))and even ate his pizza---they would have eaten mine had I left it down though.)
Is it just me or do you see strange ways your kids are like you and it totally makes you laugh...at least usually...there's been those moments when I say..."OH NO---PLEASE DON'T BE LIKE ME ...at least not in THAT way!" What do ya think?

Missing: brain

2008-09-30T19:02:00.001-07:00

Mmmhh I am wondering where it is I last saw my brain. I like to think that I once had one, but lately I am wondering if that was ever the case. It seems these last two weeks I have grown dumber than I ever thought possible. I can hardly think straight, hence writing any type of blogging is next to impossible, and yet then again, it might be more amusing than ever, kind of like that joke that was hilarious at 3 AM isn't so funny a week later at the dinner table with your family. So we have been working on a house my parents bought and fixing it up...HOW DO WOMEN WORK FULL TIME? If I weren't working for my parents, I'd probably be fired for lack of motivation---I felt like I was walking circles today as I couldn't think of what I might do next (Have I ever said I have a short attention span? Church is a bear!) We have visited the Dr.'s three times in the last three weeks...we didn't see her over the summer so we thought it was time to start making our regular visits. The first time a cold (SO I was a bit paranoid...pnuemonia last year made me worry even more than normal!), second time ear infection(YEAH---something was actually wrong) and yesterday was making sure that Victoria didn't have an infection from the nail she stepped on last week and this morning I was greeted my PINK EYE from Victoria! My brother Matt topped it all though with Spinal Meningitis for a second time! Sheesh! And that my friends is why I hardly ever blog, can't think straight...I always thought it came from "motherhood", but seriously those who have known me fore years...be honest did I ever really have much sanity to start out with...Maybe I don't want to know that. DENAE you don't need to comment. Do you lose your brain as a mom? Or is it simply an excuse...what do you think?

What's makes you you?

2008-09-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have thought a WHOLE lot about this for the last couple of months...and wondered what I have done with the crosses life has given to me (or through actions of my own I have created) and have I turned them into some kind of studwork for the mansion I am hoping to create out of my life....Too deep?
If you had to list the top things that were your so called "crosses to bear" what would they be and what have you done with them? I have thought about this a lot and for me ---this is more personal than I usually delve into on my blog ---but these would be the things and what I have done whether good or bad with them....you may already know these things but I will divulge them anyways...Mmmmh I do believe I am rambling.

Top one---of course my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder---not my own choice of course, but has undoubtedly changed my life and who I am. Many people have no clue what "being Obsessive Compulsive" means, but it means that you don't ever have a day free of worry. You worry about everything from the way that your house is cleaned, to the way that your children appear. It is a constant---medications make it livable, but definatley not gone. Okay...so that's the downer....the upper is that I am a different person because of it---I have been able to discuss my disorder with many and found that they too suffered from it ---I have hopefully been able to help others not feel so alone in their trial. One of my biggest pet peeves about it though is that people use the term "OCD" so loosely---I am NOT talking about when they are like oh that's my OCD--ha ha ha---it's when the say "oh I used to have OCD"---it's not something that just goes and comes...it is a part of life. Okay...so OFF my soapbox on that.

The next would of course be "ERIK" ---other than saying it caused an emotional break down and was the most obsessive relationship of my life...it certainly was a cross to bear. It caused me to question everything I had believed and was. It was a choice of my own to date him, but the consequences struck me like nothing I had quite experienced before. It stole my innocence and taught me how the "world was". I won't delve further...I know it gave me compassion towards others who had been cheated on and emotionally abused and manipulated and I can only hope that I do well with this one.

Lastly---REALLY hope this isn't a "debbie downer" blog today----was when I was in college and my best friend's cousin was killed in a car wreck. I will spare all the details...but it gave me a run in with death closer than I had known before. The other deaths I had experienced up until this point all made sense...my grandpa was sick and elderly (or so I thought---I now know he was only 68 which is MUCH younger than I knew)---but this seemed to defy all I had previously known. Teenagers, and children weren't supposed to die. It consumed my heart in ways I still can't express, however since then I have had several close friends lose brothers, sisters, parents and even a child recently...and I feel/hope that I am not afraid to discuss death with people...as a result of having experienced this challenge.

Okay...so there it is...what helps me "me" ...now what makes you "you"-???? Feel free to
comment away after all this IS a loaded question!

UPDATE: FYI---think this was misinterpreted a bit--wasn't meant sacreligious...just should have titled it--what has changed and created who you are?

Top ten reasons I haven't blogged!

2008-09-01T11:27:00.000-07:00

So it's been a couple of weeks and I haven't posted SQUAT! So here are my top ten reasons I haven't blogged (some are legit...some well...not so much!)

10. I was too busy documenting everything I ate on weight watchers! ( I lost nine pounds and still going...however I did manage to find two of those pounds!)

9. I was recovering for two weeks from my huge two day trip out West ALL by myself

8. I have been trying to eliminate from my body, the gas that leaked from our oven for a day and a 1/2 before my return home...my husband mistook it for the cat having a litter box problem! Whoops! Near death experience!

7. Victoria started 2nd grade and soccer the same week!

6. I have been too busy painting with Alyssa --My hidden talent

5. Hours of cleaning up imaginary cat urine from before stated gas leak! (not really but let's pretend)

4. Been too busy trying to figure out the (*&*&^* to put music on this thing and how to download my latest photos!

3. Working one day a week....intense I know

2. Reading everyone else's blogs!

and the number 1 reason I haven't blogged....

I HAD so many things to say I didn't know where to start!!!!!

Here are some updated pics of the kids!

My little three year old!

2008-08-03T10:14:00.000-07:00

Today Lysie-lou is 3! WOW! I can hardly believe it has been that long since she entered our lives! She is truly our joy---she is a serious comedian. Whether she is falsely accusing my father of bugging her--(All he has to do is look at her and she says "Papa top (stop) buggin' me.---at which point of course he must begin!), asking us if we are happy---(whenever she is in trouble she says "Mom-you happy."---unfortunately lately my responses haven't been as kind as they were a month ago when this started--"You took the debit card OUT of my purse and now I have no money at the store ((good thing dad was there))---do you THINK I am happy?" The response is always "yes" ), or just saying "mom, do you like my Kittheth (kisses--she has a lisp now)?" "Yes Lyssa, I love them." "mom, I like your kithteth."

She IS our joy. She is our love bug too---never misses a chance to love on us. She is our middle of the night cuddle bunny---we have tried to change this on numerous occassions...but I must admit there is something sweet about waking up with her in my arms and wondering how on earth she got there and how long she has been there! Don't tell Jason, but I even miss it when she isn't there...at least a little bit.

She is such a helper...the teachers at her school tell me she is always the first one there to try and comfort another child and will do all she can to try and make them happy. They call her the little mother hen. Last week she went and got a wet wipe for a child without the teacher asking..and before the teacher had noticed the need...the teacher said she was literally being a helper!

She wants to be just like Toria---she must do a BIG pony tail! As long as Toria is doing it..she wants to also! I could go on and on! We are so glad she is a part of our family---she adds the energy and randomness that sometimes we lack! We love you so much Alyssa Marie!

Am I alone here?

2008-07-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

No, I don't have anything of major importance to say here...no major catastrophies or phenomenons...just comtemplating my job as a stay at home mom?
Do I go back to work (more than one day at a mother's day out)? Like most, we are fine financially, but always seem to wonder where that extra goes for the little things--a rec-plex membership, (we have an amazing huge recreation facility here --indoor pools, weight rooms, ice rink--it's got it all-yet we don't have a membership), vacations, misc birthday gifts, dance lessons, savings, savings, savings. No matter how much Jason makes we always seem to have some expense that suck it all up.
Or do I somehow justify the fact that I stay at home lately and do nothing of upmost importance, (like blogging when I have clothes in the washer and an upstairs floor that resembles that of the pioneers (DIRT!))---MMMMhhhh---I love being with my girls, but seriously sometimes I wonder if I would do more with them if I had less time with them---does that make any sense---or if I would just be more worn out...? Okay so I am just blabbing as I think.
What do you think? I know it my heart what I believe is most important---but isn't there some happy medium---without doing daycare in my home, or selling my soul to a 40+hour a week job? Help!

2 Year old up for temporary adoption

2008-07-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

Very cute two year old up for temporary adoption!

She is very cute and thinks everything is a joke. (this works well with families with little or no rules)
Loves running (away as you call her)
Loves tic tacs (will poop for them!)
Has a contagious laugh (as she steals tic tacs from her sister)
Speaks English with an Asian accent (we have heard that it is chinese, but were also informed it may more likely be Korean---a sibling interpreter would be helpful in her new home)
Lives on very little food and what she does eat is cheap and high in carbohydrates for more energy (items like soda, pringles, suckers, and tic tacs in large amounts ((see previous information))
Has extensive earning potential ---if you can bottle even 1% of her energy you will make millions--PROMISE!
Prefers dresses (they make better curtsies!)
Communicates well when alarmed or upset (SCREAMS!)
Works independently even when she has NO clue what she is doing, and does NOT give up easily
Uses a variety of creative words such as "AWTUM!" (Awesome) and "Oh yeah."--
Provides constant entertainment at ALL hours of the day and night...and at night loves to be in bed with you.

If your home is in need of a little extra love and affection for the next year...give me a call---she is just on loan until she reaches age 4---however she may be up AGAIN for adoption once she reaches age 13!

Seriously we DO love you ALYSSA!

Our misc...last two weeks or so...

2008-07-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Grandma, Torie, Lys and Grandpa
My Little pioneers---it was a 90* --HOT!

Alyssa trying to ride a sheep---sort Victoria with our carriage ride horses
Alyssa ALL tuckered out!

Okay...so it's been busy...VERY busy and our computer is not working...it will drop me after a while, so I am hoping to get this done BEFORE I have no more time...PHEW! My in-laws drove in from Utah a week and a half ago and left today, so needless to say we have been on the go! We visited EVERYWHERE! We went to the Zoo (and visited Ted Drewes! of course after), went to Nauvoo for two days, went to my parents for the 4th...kids, dad and g-parents all went to Grant's Farm, okay so it seemed like we did more...give me time to think up what else. Seriously though it was busy. So here are some pics...there are some where the girls dressed up in pioneer attire at Nauvoo, and some where they went to the zoo...and a few misc others. All in all we are doing okay...just happily busy. It will be wierd going back to work on Wednesday (even though it's the only day I work...reality will still be strange...) This picture is what happens when I ask DADDY to water the plants....wrong plant!

SIBLING RIVALRY---HELP!

2008-06-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

Help! Victoria has been out of school for about 3 weeks and all she and Alyssa do is fight! They will argue whether the sky is blue or blue green (not literally of course...but seriously over STUPID STUPID things). It is really causing misery in our home and I have no clue how to deal with it. It is hard not to get upset with Victoria---afterall she IS four years older...however despite her age...Alyssa is the crap stirrer! She can get my logical...always right child in a big fit. I recently read that Sibling rivalry teaches children how to deal with things in life and is helpful to their growth...but seriously...at this rate my children will have grown enough to leave the house next week. I have known (although rare) a few people who managed to teach their kids not to fight...and for my sanity's sake...I am hoping to learn how to be one of those. I swore I would never have those kids that fight (Talk about arrogant)....but now I have them and am beside myself. Any ideas! HELP! HELP! HELP!

Take me out to the Ball Game

2008-06-16T09:48:00.001-07:00

Okay so Friday night we went to a Baseball game with my Dad's work. We got to be in the "Coca-Cola" area with table and chairs. Must say it was the almost the most fun I have had at a baseball game (the world series makes it a toss up---the cold weather at the World series give this one an advantage). As Jason put it, it was like a "family reunion" at a ball game. All of my siblings, spouses, and nieces and nephews were there...lots of fun! We saw some of my Dad's co-workers that we love and just had a great time. The kids all convinced Mike (a great friend of my Dad's) to buy them the BIG RED #1 Fingers....problem was that he would buy one or two and another grand child would want one---took him three trips and cost him $90! The kids ALL had one --THANKS MIKE! Major investment! We all had fun and it was great to all just be together...this pic is of my Dad with all the grand kids...unfortunately...my camera...well basically sucks...sorry it's not that clear.

Max...the butterfly

2008-06-14T09:23:00.000-07:00

Okay...so who thought that a silly butterfly would make it on our blog...but I must say that this was not just ANY butterfly...it was Max. A friend at church raises butterflies...gave us a cacoon and a live one---(and two baby caterpillars) the one only lived under a week however...apparently our butterflies were of the opposite gender and...in that week were VERY busy! Hence our butterfly MAX was created! Max was handicapped and unable to fly ---much to our joy as both the girls and I held a butterfly for the first time. He lived almost a month and we were all excited to hold him as he would only flap and land on his back and not fly away....which was much less intimidating...so here' s a pic of my girls with MAX! May he RIP in my potted flowers! LOL!

The Men in my life....

2008-06-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

Father's Day is Sunday...so hey maybe this is a good time to think about the "Fathers" in my life. (And No Denae--I am not copying anything from your recent post). Hopefully I will soon learn how to download pics from the camera and you may get more up to date pics.
Jason is a great daddy to my girls. It's neat to see how they get excited when he comes home from work. Alyssa is constantly saying "I missed you" when he comes home. He is Victoria's play mate. All three love to wrestle around on the floor (until I as the party pooper) have to keep them a little under control. He is great at getting the kids to learn new things and be well-rounded. This year he took Victoria snowboarding and she LOVED it! He is contstantly involving them in his projects recently the two of them sat on the garage steps and watched him change the oil filter on his car. ( I can imagine much more exciting things, but they love to just be around him). He is constantly serving them and it does NOT go unnoticed. He is a very devoted husband and does all he can to improve our lives. He is such a hard worker. I don't know that I have ever seen a person that works so hard at all he does. I am also very blessed to have a husband that is so handy--I have just realized lately that not all husbands can just put up a wall or learn how to put in wood floors. That is really a great talent he has. We appreciate you JASON and love you!
The next "man in my life" is of course my Dad. Where do I start? I have to thank him for my inability to ever take anything too serious in life. Recently when he had his stroke and didn't know who we were and was saying things that simply didn't make sense, we didn't know if he was joking or serious as we can NEVER take him too seriously. I advised him afterwards (when he was back to his normal state) that from now on there was no more joking, we just can't handle that. He is one of the biggest examples of unselfish service I have ever known. No matter what the calling and what the requirement...my Dad gave his time willingly and without complaint. As I grow older and realize all the sacrifice this requires I am more amazed. My Dad has a gift with people...one I can only hope to emulate. People everywhere love my Dad. He has mastered the ability to be a good boss/leader and friend. He has friends in all walks of life---I love that about him. As a teen a girl once said to me, "You're friends with everyone (as in all the cliques-cool or uncool)--how can you do that?" I certainly do NOT have that mastered, but my attempt to do so has been from watching my Father (and mother too). I have learned some of the most rare and amazing gems of friends are found in those off the beaten path in a more quiet serene world of their own. As to not get over emotional I won't mention his health....it's something too close to my heart to talk/write about, but I am grateful for every day/hour/moment he has still with our family and pray that the Lord will only continue to allow more so that his posterity will be able to learn as all his children have. Stopping now before emotional.
It wouldn't be complete without mentioning my Father in law. Claude is a good man, who has done a good job raising his son. He has taught him how to care for his family and taught him skills beyond those many men know. Claude is very intelligent (a literal rocket scientist) and has used his skills for good in teaching others. He has a quick whit and cracks me up. Some of the funniest things I have heard come from Claude when he is softly saying a hilarious remard under his breath!
Happy Father's Day BOYS! We love you all!
Happy Father's Day BOYS!

My own blog!

2008-05-20T07:57:00.001-07:00

Welcome to my blog! Yes, I am trying to fit in! Everyone is doing it! There has been lots of things going on with our little family! So where do I start?

My oldest Victoria is now 7! Seems like just yesterday I was pregnant and now she is quite a little person of her own. She is finishing up first grade and has enjoyed Brownies this year (with Mommy having made the foolish mistake of being the Troop leader of 16 1st graders!). She is a very sweet child and loves being alive. She often says "I am so glad I am on this earth."

My baby Alyssa will be 3 in August. She is a handful, but quite funny. Everything is a joke with her. The other day she came in with her hand on her chest saying..."I can't beeth (breathe)...I can't beeth mom!" (Having had a bout with pnuemonia only two weeks before I was concerned). However her following statement made it clear she had figured out how to manipulate..."I need a teet! (treat)!" Mmmhh. I am already being outsmarted by her!

For now this is the beginning! I will have lots of fun setting this thing up and you can all know what is going on with me...should you desire to!