Is it time yet?

I have actually had a lot on my mind these past few weeks and believe it or not...I have been thinking I would like to blog. The past few weeks I have tried to make some changes in my life...and I hope that these things are actually beginning to be in the process...let me explain.
Obviously if you know me, you will know that I am very obsessed with my weight. Always have been. As a young teen I struggled a little with eating disorders and being thin was all that mattered. It wasn't until things in my life had settled down , I was better in control of my OCD and was earning self trust, that I begin to "let myself go". I became a big emotional eater...as a teen when stressed I would not eat as food was the enemy, but during college it begin to pack on....and became the way I dealt with stress. What most people that are thin don't know or understand until they experiencing weight gain is the shame that comes with it. I had no idea of the hurt or pain that many heavy adults I knew were experiencing that. I have never excluded another because of weight gain, however I seem to have a different set of standards for myself and deny myself feeling happy and deserving of good things because of my own shortcomings. That being said...I have come to a turning point in my life or at least I hope so.

This was not a "New Year's Resolution" as I really stopped believing in those after so many have failed for me...this is what I am hoping is a lifetime resolution, and I already can feel and in a small way see the benefits. I have began more faithfully doing Weight Watchers..I hate the idea of counting points every day for the rest of my life, but I see it as I would rather do that than continue to be unable to do some things I want to with my children. In addition, I have started going to the gym...it has now been 5 weeks and it seems that the effects are starting to finally kick in. I am amazed that I am getting things done...and although I still fight the dark battle of depression, I am able to do the things I know will keep it from swallowing me whole. I feel like there is hope and it has been a while since I believed...really believed I could lose weight and like who I see in the mirror. I know it starts on the inside..but some of the shame that you experience from major weight gain begins to lessen as you regain that control. SOOO...if you are at the point I was even just a few months ago...hang in there...give it your all, it's worth it. And that is my thought for the day. What life changing habits have you created that make you a happier person?

Catching up...at least trying...

I realize it has been a while--and in fact several months--I have thought many times as things have been going on "Wow, I need to blog about that.." great ideas...however..VERY poor follow through. So I will try and recap the last three months, forgive me as my memory disappears with each year!

• We celebrated Halloween--the girls had a great time--Alyssa was a baby at one event and a dog at another, while Victoria was a "fancy" Vampire. They got their LOAD of candy which is still by some miracle lingering around our home! At what point one tosses it I am not sure---but I do believe we are VERY close to that point!
• We went to San Destin, Florida for Thanksgiving. My parents rented a place for us all to stay and spend a Thanksgiving away from home. Not all my siblings were able to make it, but Denae/Ben and crew (and Ben's mom and step-dad), Aaron, and kids, my parents, Matalyn (Matt's oldest) and our fam all got to go. It was a fun experience. The girls LOVED searching for shells and Torie even spent a lot of time freezing her bootie off in the ocean. They have been begging to go to Florida again. We ate at Cracker Barrel for dinner which was a fun change and had a nice time! Thanks Mom and Dad!
• We joined the St. Peters Rec-Plex. It is a local sports/exercixe facility very near by. We swam the first night and went ice skating the next. However, on the second night, Alyssa fell and Jason's ice skate managed to go over her middle right finger cutting a tendon. It required surgery and stitches. She did great during surgery and is recovering nicely. We are grateful that my parents have a plastic surgeon in their ward (Brent Stromberg) who really made the whole process a lot easier on us parents!
• We celebrated a nice Christmas and my grandparents got to be here from California. It was a nice Christmas we all got "fun" stuff and enjoyed one another, despite the fact I felt a bit like scrooge this year.

All in all the last few months although eventful have been very good and we are looking forward to a wonderful 2010! I will try to blog more often (AND NO IT'S NOT A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!) and will even do an ODE to a sibling, just for you Denae! A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Pictures to come of Lys's finger and my parents new puppy!