I have actually had a lot on my mind these past few weeks and believe it or not...I have been thinking I would like to blog. The past few weeks I have tried to make some changes in my life...and I hope that these things are actually beginning to be in the process...let me explain.
Obviously if you know me, you will know that I am very obsessed with my weight. Always have been. As a young teen I struggled a little with eating disorders and being thin was all that mattered. It wasn't until things in my life had settled down , I was better in control of my OCD and was earning self trust, that I begin to "let myself go". I became a big emotional eater...as a teen when stressed I would not eat as food was the enemy, but during college it begin to pack on....and became the way I dealt with stress. What most people that are thin don't know or understand until they experiencing weight gain is the shame that comes with it. I had no idea of the hurt or pain that many heavy adults I knew were experiencing that. I have never excluded another because of weight gain, however I seem to have a different set of standards for myself and deny myself feeling happy and deserving of good things because of my own shortcomings. That being said...I have come to a turning point in my life or at least I hope so.
This was not a "New Year's Resolution" as I really stopped believing in those after so many have failed for me...this is what I am hoping is a lifetime resolution, and I already can feel and in a small way see the benefits. I have began more faithfully doing Weight Watchers..I hate the idea of counting points every day for the rest of my life, but I see it as I would rather do that than continue to be unable to do some things I want to with my children. In addition, I have started going to the gym...it has now been 5 weeks and it seems that the effects are starting to finally kick in. I am amazed that I am getting things done...and although I still fight the dark battle of depression, I am able to do the things I know will keep it from swallowing me whole. I feel like there is hope and it has been a while since I believed...really believed I could lose weight and like who I see in the mirror. I know it starts on the inside..but some of the shame that you experience from major weight gain begins to lessen as you regain that control. SOOO...if you are at the point I was even just a few months ago...hang in there...give it your all, it's worth it. And that is my thought for the day. What life changing habits have you created that make you a happier person?
3 comments:
Way to go Melanie! Taking care of your health and learning to love yourself again is hard work, but worth it! I made a decision a year and a half ago to stop hating my body because of what it won't do for me (i.e. get pregnant) and instead focus on all the amazing things it does every day. It is not easy. But so far it has been worth it.
I have also been on the same journey that you are on. I never had to worry about my weight as a teen, didn't get overweight until I got pregnant, and it just ballooned from there. I had never had to exercise before. I didn't know how. But now I am finding myself training really hard, losing weight, and watching what I am eating. I don't know who I will find when I am closer to being at a weight I think is healthy, I don't know who I will be then. But I am doing it anyway. I am hoping I will like her, that she will be generous of spirit with me.
Great job Melanie! (nice tunes, btw) How are you doing these days with WW? I started a low glycemic diet in January and took off 11 pounds, but it's my lack of activity that has me plateaued. It's too cold and the Y is too crowded! lol Give Tori and Alissa a hug from us...
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