Time flying by....

Why is that the school year seems to go on and on and on....but the 12 weeks of summer (assuming the children aren't fighting) flies!  The thing I love most about the summer is swimming---NOT being in a swimsuit mind you, but being in the pool.  Jason loves swimming too, so it is no surprise that from the moment the temperature hits a mere 70 degrees my girls begin asking "When can we swim--is papa's pool opened?"  However, this summer it has been too hot even for swimming.  So the girls and I have done a few new things.  I have taken on Zumba---can I say I love it?  I do it at the local Recplex and on our Wii.  So fun---and it does kick my butt.  Torie saved up her money and bought herself a "tablet"--however in order to use it more than 1/2 an hour---she has to use the treadmill---we are still working on that one some.  The girls have done the library reading program.  Which I love since it encourages reading.  Lyssie is struggling with reading quite a bit, and as a paranoid/concerned mom, I am having her tutored.  I guess I will be going to the Doctor to have her checked for ADHD to get the ball rolling (if you have met her you know why---the child NEVER stops moving, won't even sit down at dinner).  I feel very uneducated in this department and find myself very impatient with her when it comes to her reading struggles.  I don't mean to be hard on her---in fact I try SOOOOO hard not to be, but it's frustrating when she doesn't recognize a word she read only two lines before.  This is unfamiliar territory for me, although Torie struggled as well, it's something I don't understand.  Reading and School always came very easy for me, and although I am glad, it gives me little comprehension of why she can't get it.  I don't mean to sound harsh or uncompassionate, it's just foreign and I just want to say---just do it.  We will see how things look in the fall, but for now I am trying to figure out this new bag of worms.  Heaven help me!  But above all, may I have the patience of Job ---because nothing makes this mom feel worse than being impatient.

So many words.....

It seems as if I have been all over the board with emotions these last few months and fearing what I might or might NOT say, I haven't blogged.  So WHAT have I been doing---?  I am not sure I could fully say. 
     We just finished soccer season---for the first time both girls did indoor AND outdoor, which all in all would not have been a problem. However, they overlapped.  Can I say that I love indoor soccer?  It starts and ends quickly and you don't have to battle the weather.  Both girls played their little hearts out, but I think we are still learning to breathe again after having practice 4 nights a week.  I was NOT meant to be a soccer mom, and yet somehow I feel like one.
     These last few months I have been able to help out in Alyssa's class once a week and read in Torie's class every now and then.  I really enjoy being able to be involved with their "school life"---I know the kids, the nice, the mean, and all the others.  Plus knowing that my Torie will be in middle school next year, I have especially cherised this time. 
     Torie turned 11!  She is such a sweet girl---I couldn't have asked for more.  Her jokes are getting funnier and I love that she really confides in me.  I know what is going on with her and only hope that stays over the upcoming school years. 
     Jason and I made a trip to Chicago to celebrate 12 years of marriage.  We left the kids with Aaron and Patti and took the train up for 4 days.  It was great---full of learning about history, which I didn't know I like, but I do.  Lots of good food too.  And just a break, and remembering that we were once without children.  

 My first quilt---and it looks great in Torie's room! 

 Lyssie getting her "H.A.W.K." award---Helping Acts of Kindness!  Yea Lou lou!

 This is what happens when you shave your dog, your kids make dog fur art!

Torie and I at her 5th grade music review---she won't smile because of her underbite---SOOO SAD!

     I am also quilting---joined a quilting group, and really am learning a lot.  I finished my first quilt a week or so ago and can't stop braggin.  It's nice to have something that's mine---oh and did I mention I LOVE LOVE LOVE ZUMBA!  Done it twice now and it's so much fun!  Finally just getting and creating a life of my own, without a child under 5 attached at the hip. 
   SO now I am planning for summer, unfortunately sometimes the financial means cannot support my BIG ideas...so it's down to figuring out what the girls really want to do.  What things does your family do for the summer?  

P.S. Sorry these pics are like in the middle randomly, but I still am technically challenged...!

    

Happy Medium

So here's the thing that I have noticed lately...Some people are waiting to be offended, while others easily say offensive things.  What does this mean?  While I hardly believe that we need to be politically correct all the time and need to sit in silence when we have an opinion, there are some people that it wouldn't hurt to curtail their tongues.  Being overly paranoid of hurting people  (literally it's on OCD thing)  I don't get why people blundtly say things that can and should be offensive.  On the other hand, I don't get why some people look for people to offend them.  I feel like I am talking in circles, but in reality there HAS got to be a happy medium.  We are teaching our children not to be bullied, but in some cases we make them hyper sensitive to comments that children just say with no mean intention.  If a kid says that they hate you and want to beat you up...YES bullying....if a kid says "you're hair is shorter than mine"  get over it.  Are we creating a generation of even more easily offended children incapable of letting things go?  As a parent often in this whole situation it's hard to know where to draw the line.  So simply put, this is my conclusion, try not to be offended unless there was intent and if it was forgive.  If you are the offender---recognize it, take accountability, work on controlling your tongue and apologies can go a long way!

What's next?

The last few months I have thought often about posting and what to say and what NOT to say...so here goes.
Many of you know that I have wanted three kids for pretty much as long as I can remember. 2 girls and 1 boy in that order. SOOOO far, so good, until about a year ago. With PCOS, well let's say the two I have in all reality are a miracle. And after much stress, and some heartache, my body and I together have more or less decided that #3 isn't going to enter this family. This isn't going to be some long post on infertility, cuz let's face it I have two and that is wonderful! Plus the two I have are pretty great and the third one could have been a screw up, so why risk it right?
The bigger issue that I am facing is being at a point in life I had in no way anticipated right now.
Yes, Lyssie went to school in the fall, and at first the idea of all day by myself was exciting, oh the places I would go and all the things I would do. But now, I am a bit of a lost soul, wondering what's next? Yes, I know the options are limitless---work, go back for more schooling, volunteer, lots of hobbies, Yada yada yada. But for real, I have come to the harsh conclusion that somewhere in the last ten years I forgot who I am without these sweet little attachments holding my hand all the time. I definately try to be more involved with them both at school, volunteering, having lunch with them, etc. Truth is I don't even know what I like....and I know I don't like cleaning the house and cooking ALLLLL the time. And apparently it must be a little lonely too, because I find myself talking to the dog far more often than one might consider normal. LOL! So all you Moms who have been there--help me out? What would be next for you?

Ode to Denae---

Yes Denae...I know you have been waiting....waiting and waiting for this ode. Afterall--you are one of the few who reads and asks WHEN I am updating---so here goes.

Denae is my baby sister. No matter how old she is the 8 year gap will always make her a baby to me. When I was the only girl living in a house with 3 brothers, I desperately wanted a sister. I prayed EVERY night without fail for my sister when my mom was prego. Did I also tell you that at a very young age I would pray for my eyes to change to blue...but I digress. My Mom ALSO wanted a girl, but feared it would be another boy--so she convinced herself it was a boy. BUT as we all know it was NOT a boy, it was my Denae--or Nae nae as we called her for the first few years of her life.

My sister and I are quite different, but in many ways she is my hero. WHY you might ask...well let me begin. First of all she has a lot of courage. She has lived in Hawaii, downtown Chicago and now L.A. She is not afraid of venturing outside her comfort zone, and even managed to take her two young children to New Zealand. (And yes her hubby went too).

Second of all, Denae is candid and tough. She says what she thinks. I like to tiptoe around things, but if something is up Denae will not fear your opinion, she is confident in what she feels and believes. I think growing up with 4 older strongly opinionated siblings, she had to learn to express herself, and stand on her own. However, I do think it go her beat up a lot more from the boys, which in turn made her tough. Far tougher I might add than this overly sensitive soul that I am. I could use a little of that thick skin in my direction.

Denae has a great sense of humor. There is always a good laugh when she is nearby. For example: Recently her neighbor was sitting on Denae's chair in the patio area. Ben sat on it and it was wet. After the neighbor (who I might add, may have had a little too much to drink) left, Ben told Denae that he thought she peed it. Denae finding it a ridiculous idea, jokingly mentioned it to the neighbor the next day, saying "BEN WAS ACCUSING YOU OF PEEING THE CHAIR! " , who laughingly confessed she DID in fact pee in the chair. WHOOPS! Made for a good laugh, although I think I'd make my neighbor sit in her OWN chair next time. And for more proof of the humor thing read her blog---HILARIOUS! I laugh all the time when I read it.

Denae is very creative. She is an interior designer. She has a style that is all her own. And is always coming up with new innovative ways to design things in her home, and is happy to help others. I really miss that about her not being here anymore.

Above all, Denae is a good Mom. She loves those kids. They are her world. And she finds great joy in them. I miss my Nae-ners and am excited to see her in a few weeks for Thanksgiving. I am glad I prayed her here...and NOT just cuz I would have died if I'd had another BROTHER, but because I love her to death.

Not a blogger?

I was recently informed by a person,---who will remain nameless--that I am not a blogger as I don't update it enough to be considered one. SOOOO in order to rectify this situation---I shall attempt to blog more frequently. HOWEVER, I am unsure as to how many people are actually reading it and therefore feel little need to update it as I am well aware of my own activities. SOOOO if you are reading --feel free to leave your comments or at least say---"I am reading", so I am not entirely wasting my time:)

That being said---I often don't write for fear that I might offend with my opinions--or bore you, sometimes thinking of something of TRUE excitement ---well it CAN be hard to come by, or the biggest reason as I have previously stated is that I have so much I would like to say, but then when I sit down it's like I hit a blank wall.

This summer has been full already and it's only the beginning of July. School ended for Torie and we said a HUGE "Hallelujah!" as she had a...mmmhhh...undermotivated teacher --who was very clearly looking forward to retirement. It made for a long year---but after 4 years of great teachers, we can't complain when we hit one that was less desirable. And on an even sadder note-Lyssie finished pre-school. Their presentation at the end of the pre-school year is mean---any parent with a dry eye would have to be heartless. I didn't need to cry yet---her going to kindergarten in the fall is already left me with nervousness and sadness. BUT I digress....our summer so far:

We hit Santa Claus, Indiana again and spent two days at Holidayworld. Very little sunburns and lots of water. We rented a cabin this time around, releaving some of my dirt stress, and had some good friends come along. As far as I know we all still like eachother and had a good time! Our favorite ride of all was the Wildebeast a water roller coaster--however a bit awkward. You place your legs on each side of the person in front of you's seat. Now assuming you are in a raft with those you know it is all good---however when you raft is NOT full a stranger is placed in also. It was a rather odd situation to have some strange man's hairy legs under my arms, while he talked to me making casual conversation. I figure it must have been some form of therapy.

We came home from Indiana for 5 days only to take a 2 week long trip to Utah. My parents, and the girls and I all drove out. I still can't decide if driving through the night was good or bad---it sure went faster and beat laying awake all night in a hotel thinking about the fact you COULD be almost there....however...by the time you arrive you are dead for two days. So we wisely opted for a hotel on the drive back. We were able to spend some time with my Aunt and Uncle in Farmington and their kids and grandkids. In addition, my sister and her kids were visiting from California and it was fun to see Taj and Lo. My girls miss them a lot and couldn't wait to see them. Then Jason flew out and we spent 4 days with his parents. It was a full trip and I am always reminded of the dear people in my life that still reside there and the many fond memories I have of my time there. I even was able to visit Logan and felt a bit of nostalgia (sp?) flow through my veins. It's always strange to me that I forget that life has gone on and cities have changed while I was elsewhere. I really hate change, inevitable as it is. I really enjoyed visiting a couple of quilt shops---and loved enjoying fry sauce and Cafe Rio'. Torie is my child and loves fry sauce!

I don't want to bore you with name of people I saw, but I do have to make a shout out to them and let them know I love them and miss them all---SOOOOOO Garity--so fun to see you after almost 20 years, Jen H--can't wait to hear how your quilting goes! Bring Jaden for a trip- my Logan family--(YOU know who you are)--love you guys and so glad I got to see you all (except David ---maybe next time), Jen S.-crossing my fingers for you, Amy---See I doooo blog, Denae "ditto" , My aunt, uncle and cousins--thanks for being my family-you guys are great--BTW make Bethany join FB- Love you all.

Pictures to come.

What my Momma taught me...

Okay, so first of all, I have never called my mother, momma, but what my "Mother" taught me is far to formal for me:) With it being Mother's Day I thought I would write a little tid bit about the things I have learned from my Mother. My Mother is an amazing woman who gives of herself to others. SO here is what I have learned and appeciate:

• Service DOES matter, and it isn't contingent upon how the other person treats you, I have seen her serve people that weren't always the best of friends to her, but she continues to give.


• Keep busy, just because you are a "stay at home Mom" ---hardly means you stay there---there is lots to do and learn.


• Learn, learn, learn--never stop learning, there is always more !


• Don't say anything about a person behind their back that you wouldn't say if they were standing there


• Being a grandma rocks!


• Improve on something until it's the best it can be (her bread pudding, custard--trial and error)


• Don't make your bed until you have said your prayers---every time I look at my unmade bed I am reminded of what I haven't done yet!


• If you don't understand why something happens---"put it on the shelf" and you can ask God after this life what the purpose was (If you don't find out later in your life)


• Do all you can to teach your children the gospel---even if it means whiney scripture study at 6 AM, and family home evening full of less than eager participants-sabotaging your every effort.


• Don't refuse an opportunity to serve at church---

I am sure there is much more than this---but these are the things I have learned. I have been blessed with an amazing mother, who I do adore. Thanks for always being there Mom! No one could ask for a better Mom!

What lessons has your Mother taught you? Why do you treasure her?

Honestly...for once I am unsure of what to say or where to start? How do you put almost 9 months of life into words? I can sum things up or simply start from today....I guess I will just sum things up and then try and stay on top of things...SOOOOOO here goes-for those of you who like short posts (Akiko) you may just want to skim this one afterall---it's hard to keep this much coverage short.

Last year was a year of travel for all of us-but especially me!

• In August my baby turned 5! Yes 5! Doesn't seem possible, but time just keeps flying by and I sit in awe at how old I am getting! She even lost two of her baby teeth recently....sigh....


• Then at the end of August Victoria started 4th grade.


• In mid-September we did the event of a lifetime and went to Florida and completed the parental obligatory trip to Disneyworld/Epcot and misc. other places. The girls loved it and I---well let's say I am glad we went but won't be planning a second trip anytime soon!


• Beginning of December I took a trip cross country with my sister and her two kids-moving to Long Beach, California. It went better than I ever could have thought and I enjoyed a week in the L.A. area. I was able to see two of my long lost friends (Cara and Kami) who I hadn't seen in over a decade, it was amazing and I was quickly reminded of how much I love and miss them! However, I fear their move near Disneyland may create another trip which I could have said was too far before!


• Last day of January we added a new member to our family and purchased a puppy named Natalie-! It became inevitable that we would have to add a dog to our family when we took care of Denae's dog for two weeks and both girls were in heaven. I actually had to convince Jason (the one who loves dogs more than I) that it was okay and would be a good thing. And yes, we do still have our cats, who are less than thrilled about her presence. I enjoy having her underfoot and cuddled up and eating my shoes, rugs, etc! Never knew I could love a dog so much! Stupid dog:)

So I know this is a random post, but unfortunately it is chaos around me between children and a dog ---I can hardly keep my head on straight---did I tell you it's also a Friday night? SO DENAE no I am not closing my blog---I was just taking a BREAK! Sigh.

Summer of heat!

Our lives haven't been CRAZY per say lately---bit DIFFERENT from the one we have known in the past--so I will try to update as best I can with the insanity!

• First, the girls (including my niece Mattie--my "other daughter") and I got to take a trip to North Carolina. Our friend Jodi was going on a mission to Denver--so it finally was justified. On the way we got to stop and see Ashly (my life long best friend and her crew) It had been over two years since we had been to NC and it's amazing how some relationships are still the same --and when you leave there is a small piece of your heart that stays there. It was especially sweet (and heart wrenching)when Bill (Torie's "buddy" from birth) and Torie said good-bye. He would pick my big 9 year old up and hug her and hold her. She kept saying after how much she missed him. It's time like these that you realize the impact of those early years.



• Torie took a 2 week trip to visit her Great grandparents (My Mom's parents) and my Aunt. My parent's were heading out there and Torie had mentioned wanting to visit Aunt Carol (she really adores Carol) --so she got to fly out with them and have quite a vacation. She got to see the jelly belly factory (much to my pleasure as I have been living on the bag of "belly flops" since she returned), San Francisco, tons of swimming, movies and fun with my cousins Tara and Nick..(who are in their 20's so I was very impressed with all the amazing things they did with her-) It was a good time for her.


• Meanwhile at home--it was Alyssa and I...oh wait and Hunney (my parent's 9 month old puppy) --Jason was ocassionally around but in reality the strike is still on and we see him very little- I digress---Hunney is very cute---however, she is the center of my Dad's world and spoiled rotten. I felt like I had another child...she chewed my new laptop cord, terrorized my cats, and whined incestantly...after one week she went to stay with Samantha. No dog for me. She was so cute and sweet, but I didn't need a whiney extra child:)


• So that is where we stand---well for now. I am hangin' in there and looking forward to a new school year for the girls---it has been a summer of fighting and high demands--so I will glady send Torie to 4th grade and Alyssa to pre-school for one more year!

Stronger than I think?

Sometimes in life I think we truly underestimate ourselves. I was pleasantly suprised to find that has been the case with my hubby being gone all the time now. I always thought that I would fall apart and not be able to handle anything...but I have and to myself amazingly well. House is relatively clean...kids as well, and although we miss Jason around here...we are all generally happy. Dinner is a lot different, unfortunately a lot of eating out (but not large expensive places and Huge meals). However it doesn't seem to make sense to cook when generally half of what I make is consumed by someone who isn't here. Food is wasted and cost as much as an easy meal at Taco Bell. (Plus I really hate dishes--) Nights are different as well as I never know whether I have an extra body in the bed, with him working nights some. At first I was allowing the kids to take turns in the bed or on the floor...but between Alyssa's need to be so close that she pushes you off the bed and Victoria's loud talking in her sleep...I was getting NO sleep. So Game off. It is also amazing how much more Jason and I seem to enjoy one another's company, as it seems like it is so rare these days.
On another note...weight loss and exercise unfortunately has taken a back burner. After vacation it seems that I lost all motivation...between girls sick and no Jason I lost focus. On the other hand I have miraculously managed to maintain the loss I have had---which has gotten me 1/3 the way to my total goal. Still a long ways left...but a significant loss and wonderful to have to get rid of clothes that sag on me---YEA! So I am going to try and commit to a better effort in that area...it'll have to start with the gym and the food from there. All in all I am amazed that something must have changed in my eating patterns otherwise it would all start returning and that hasn't happened. Again---YEA! What a myriad of thoughts...but that is how my brain works...btw--ever noticed you accidently put the wrong song on your playlist--I was just listening and was like "What the heck is this?" ---Certainly not the song I had thought I put! Oh well!

Computer problems=No blog update..SERIOUSLY!

So about six months ago our computer went down...much to my dismay...after my Brother-in-law Ben fixed it for us...overall it was much better...however one problem now existed. Logging onto blogspot and reading anyone else's or updating my own was next to impossible. Now with our new laptop -YEA YEA YEA! I am able to blog again. And hopefully with accessibility being simplified--more often.
I am not sure where to start or end. Discovering that people actually DO read my blog and just don't comment was at least refreshing...however complaints were more pictures, more entries...but shorter entries for those who are reading ESL! There you have it Kik's!
Six months of my life simplified in a few short sentences. This year has been busy and productive. Alyssa and I went on a rendezvous to California and Utah in mid-April. We were able to visit my grandparents, my Aunt Carol and her fam, and my Dad's Uncle and his cousins while in California. Then we headed to Utah where we saw Jason's parents, and several dear friends. It was a quick but refreshing trip to Utah. It was wonderful to spend time around friends who made you feel like a million bucks and help you remember who you were BEFORE you became a mom and wife. Since returning home my hubby has been dealing with a Union Strike at work--causing him TONS of extra work hours as he is Non-Union and considered management. Meanwhile each girl brought home a different ailment each week for me--Torie pnuemonia and Alyssa a virus with a nice high temp. We recovered well and I am attempting to return to what one may consider a normal life...with a husband who puts in 60-70 hours a week...but I won't complain since it is temporary and the overtime will cover our trip to Disneyworld come Fall. We are anticipating a few other trips this summer..but for now this will have to be my update:)

Is it time yet?

I have actually had a lot on my mind these past few weeks and believe it or not...I have been thinking I would like to blog. The past few weeks I have tried to make some changes in my life...and I hope that these things are actually beginning to be in the process...let me explain.
Obviously if you know me, you will know that I am very obsessed with my weight. Always have been. As a young teen I struggled a little with eating disorders and being thin was all that mattered. It wasn't until things in my life had settled down , I was better in control of my OCD and was earning self trust, that I begin to "let myself go". I became a big emotional eater...as a teen when stressed I would not eat as food was the enemy, but during college it begin to pack on....and became the way I dealt with stress. What most people that are thin don't know or understand until they experiencing weight gain is the shame that comes with it. I had no idea of the hurt or pain that many heavy adults I knew were experiencing that. I have never excluded another because of weight gain, however I seem to have a different set of standards for myself and deny myself feeling happy and deserving of good things because of my own shortcomings. That being said...I have come to a turning point in my life or at least I hope so.

This was not a "New Year's Resolution" as I really stopped believing in those after so many have failed for me...this is what I am hoping is a lifetime resolution, and I already can feel and in a small way see the benefits. I have began more faithfully doing Weight Watchers..I hate the idea of counting points every day for the rest of my life, but I see it as I would rather do that than continue to be unable to do some things I want to with my children. In addition, I have started going to the gym...it has now been 5 weeks and it seems that the effects are starting to finally kick in. I am amazed that I am getting things done...and although I still fight the dark battle of depression, I am able to do the things I know will keep it from swallowing me whole. I feel like there is hope and it has been a while since I believed...really believed I could lose weight and like who I see in the mirror. I know it starts on the inside..but some of the shame that you experience from major weight gain begins to lessen as you regain that control. SOOO...if you are at the point I was even just a few months ago...hang in there...give it your all, it's worth it. And that is my thought for the day. What life changing habits have you created that make you a happier person?

Catching up...at least trying...

I realize it has been a while--and in fact several months--I have thought many times as things have been going on "Wow, I need to blog about that.." great ideas...however..VERY poor follow through. So I will try and recap the last three months, forgive me as my memory disappears with each year!

• We celebrated Halloween--the girls had a great time--Alyssa was a baby at one event and a dog at another, while Victoria was a "fancy" Vampire. They got their LOAD of candy which is still by some miracle lingering around our home! At what point one tosses it I am not sure---but I do believe we are VERY close to that point!
• We went to San Destin, Florida for Thanksgiving. My parents rented a place for us all to stay and spend a Thanksgiving away from home. Not all my siblings were able to make it, but Denae/Ben and crew (and Ben's mom and step-dad), Aaron, and kids, my parents, Matalyn (Matt's oldest) and our fam all got to go. It was a fun experience. The girls LOVED searching for shells and Torie even spent a lot of time freezing her bootie off in the ocean. They have been begging to go to Florida again. We ate at Cracker Barrel for dinner which was a fun change and had a nice time! Thanks Mom and Dad!
• We joined the St. Peters Rec-Plex. It is a local sports/exercixe facility very near by. We swam the first night and went ice skating the next. However, on the second night, Alyssa fell and Jason's ice skate managed to go over her middle right finger cutting a tendon. It required surgery and stitches. She did great during surgery and is recovering nicely. We are grateful that my parents have a plastic surgeon in their ward (Brent Stromberg) who really made the whole process a lot easier on us parents!
• We celebrated a nice Christmas and my grandparents got to be here from California. It was a nice Christmas we all got "fun" stuff and enjoyed one another, despite the fact I felt a bit like scrooge this year.

All in all the last few months although eventful have been very good and we are looking forward to a wonderful 2010! I will try to blog more often (AND NO IT'S NOT A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!) and will even do an ODE to a sibling, just for you Denae! A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Pictures to come of Lys's finger and my parents new puppy!

Elements of Friendship

Over the last few months for whatever reason (maybe the lesson in Relief Society a month ago spurred it), but I have been having an intense gratitude for friends. Over the last couple months I have had a variety of experiences each causing me to evaluate my own strengths and weaknesses as a friend. And these are the things I think I have learned....

• In friendship sometimes you are the giver, sometimes the taker...but try not to be one or the other for too long...everyone wants to be needed and everyone has needs.
• Friendships may dissolve...it happens...sometimes due to distance, life changes, etc...it doesn't mean you are a bad friend, if you made a mistake learn from it...I know I make many.
• Sometimes friendships re-kindle and you find that although years have passed things are the same as they once were --just in a different time in your life and there is AMAZING happiness when that happens. You find a piece of your life you didn't know was missing. I know this sounds cheesy but I have had this experience so much in the last few months (in one case thanks to Facebook) and it's just AWESOME!
• Don't be afraid to express your love for your friends or gratitude for their gifts and talents. I am surrounded by so many talented and wonderful people...I always had a hard time expressing my love for people..but something in me has changed and if I see a talent or am grateful for someone, I now try to express it. Life is so fragile and I don't want to miss a moment.
• Some of the best friends can be found in the rarest of situations. My Dad and Mom have a gift for enveloping those around with kindness and friendship. Sometimes we think that if we don't have TONS in common with a person, then what's the point of the friendship. Too many times in my own life, it is those I have the least in common with that can teach me the most about a whole different world that I know nothing about. (Don't get me wrong I am not out on skid row...just sometimes people that I wouldn't have thought of...)

I don't write this because I know it all...I don't and am learning...but I am so grateful for the treasured friends that I have and through them I see God's hand in my life. I only hope that I can be that friend in return. Thanks Ash, Betsy and Heather especially for helping me to remember what friendship is really all about..

What have you learned about friendship? Who has inspired you?

Who am I?

Okay---so really, I don't want my blog to be about DEEP stuff all the time, but I am a thinker and frightening as it may be...it comes out a only a little bit on this blog. SO, Sunday my family was together, with some friends and someone who has known me for a VERY long time....said something that really has disturbed me...she said "Yeah...you were a tough one, Melanie" (referring to my teenage years...). Really? Seriously? I recently was also informed that another woman in my ward told my mother I was a rebel back in my teen years...again ---seriously? I know people say things without really thinking them through...but if I was a rebel it was a pathetic one. I can only hope and pray that my girls are the kind of "rebel" I was---I guess if you are Mormon you have a different perspective of what a REBEL is...but to me dancing close at church dances, drinking Dr. Pepper, talking during seminary (and occasionally showing up late---can you believe it), and kissing boys (NOTHING more) does NOT define a rebel. Don't get me wrong I liked to portray that I was on the edge...(no one wanted to be "too good" ) but truth be told---I wasn't.
So what misinterpretations or things have others noted about you---that couldn't be more incorrect?

What's up at this end.....

So it's been a month since I last updated and I am embarrassed to say that a myriad of amusing/exciting things have happened, hence why I haven't blogged---I have been busy...

• Victoria started 3rd grade...it just doesn't seem right. She is doing okay---but having a bit of a hard adjustment to the "mean kids" that seem to end up in every class. She takes so much to heart that it eats her alive sometimes...I am not sure where she gets it (hope you can sense the sarcasm there!) And let me tell you I had no idea that such words as "definitely" and" San Francisco" could be 3rd grade spelling words! I discovered after way too may years to count, that definAtely is NOT spelled with an "A"--harsh reality for me.
• Victoria also started soccer again---she has a new coach and her colors are black and bright orange---perfect for the fall---just wish they'd get new ones in the Spring.
• Victoria has started piano and starts choir tomorrow morning---we haven't been keeping up well with piano since her teacher (Grandma) has been out of town for almost 2 weeks, (gotta blame someone right?) but we ARE trying.
• Alyssa started dance two weeks ago---she Loves it!
• Alyssa ALSO started pre-school last week for 2 1/2 hours a day---3 days a week----giving me what? FREE TIME! I am having a bit of a hard time with it---just really missing her---but give it another week or two and a few more miserable trips to the store WITH her and I think I will start really enjoying it.
• Alyssa also turned 4 AND got her ears pierced---I have a TON of pics---but I am handicapped when it comes to downloading pics from the camera and CD's so that is why often there are very few on here.

All in all things are good. I am really looking forward to a GIRLS weekend out. This weekend my Mom and I are driving to Owensboro, Kentucky where my best friend growing up (Ashly) is meeting us---as here Mom lives there and we are going to play. I can hardly wait---NO KIDS---FUN PEOPLE!---RELAXATION---NO RESPONSIBILITY---you get the picture...I am hoping to come back refreshed and possibly ready to get back to reality. Well there you have it an update...and it's ALL for you Shannon---BTW---how often do I have to update it to avoid the "YOU NEVER UPDATE YOUR BLOG" comments from you Shannon? Give me a heads up!

Too Deep

I write this post with a bit of hesitation as it is quite a bit personal. I am not looking for sympathy or pity...more just an outlet. So here goes...

The last few weeks and months have been hard on me, my little family and my extended family. So much has happened over the last year it has been hard to blog at times for fear of just whining and spilling out every emotion that I have been feeling, which unfortunately at times have been less than positive. Just about two weeks ago, my Dad had another stroke. Yes, this is part of the disease, and is to be expected, however with every stroke comes the harsh reality that life is fragile. My father's especially right now. Not knowning whether we have today, tomorrow, or years. It seems that we are losing bits of him all the time, as he once said of his own father when he passed away, " I lost my Dad a long time ago." I have shed many tears in quiet moments by myself, and had embarrassing times in public realms when something touches a tender spot and the tears flow without control. It's hard to see my Mom suffer and be unable to ease the pain. Above all though, it's painful to see my Dad suffer. The biggest challenge of this disease is that it comes and goes...some things are constant, but often he will say things and not remember he has even said them, while other times he will almost be the Father I have always known. He knows that he is dying bit by bit and fears being stuck in a body and mind that isn't working, but is helpless.
One of my biggest faults is that I want to make everything all better, I want to fix things, everyone else and have peace. This time there is very little I can do and my heart aches in my helplessness. I know I am not alone in my pain, as I have siblings who hurt as well, but we each feel things differently and handle them in seperate ways. I will say that it has pulled us together on more than one occassion, and wonder if this is something we are supposed to gain from this experience. Again, I know the basics and know this is all part of a plan that I often don't clearly understand, and it is all for a purpose, but there are days when the overwelhming hurt of losing a parent when I feel far too young and unprepared seems plainly unfair.

Three days of bliss:

In the beginning of June our crew went to Santa Clause, Indiana. First of all let me tell you, if you live in the midwest and haven't been, it is a must do. We loved it. It is a small---very small---town that has an amusement park and water park called Holiday world. We opted to go for three nights. However, here is the catch---anyone that knows me, would guess I am not quite a camping girl---and that is truly the case. Bugs love me, making it less than desirable for me to spend too much time outside, but I digress. We opted for the cheaper option and stayed at Camp Rudolph. Now this camp is NOT roughing it by any means, but we did sleep in a tent and that was roughing it enough for me. Thank goodness for air matresses --which made sleeping on the ground dealable. It was funny to have the girls all over the mattresses as I would inadvertantly catipult them. There was lots of laughs. We had lots of fun together as a family even though we did get rained on, two of the nights. It was a good bonding trip and a nice getaway without spending too much of our savings. What fun getaways have you done this summer?

Needed a break!

So things here have been quiet on the home front---well in general, however there has been a great deal of fighting and it seems my daughters are once again on the war path with one another... Really it is a love/hate relationship--one minute they are the best of friends amicably playing barbies and the next they are fighting over which Barbie is whose. Alyssa is the instigator and I am beside myself as to what to do. As a result Alyssa (who is 3 and will be 4 in August) and I had the following conversation--keep in mind, my children are quite conversationalists at very young ages--not sure where they might get that...sigh.

Me: Alyssa what is going on? Why have you been so whiney and nasty lately?

Alyssa: I haven't been getting enough 'tention lately---Torie gets to go places with you and I have to stay home with Daddy. I need more loves and that is why I have been a little grumpy lately.

So as you can see I am in trouble with this child---she plays her cards well and is already smarter than I am---the scarey part is that she has been for...quite a while.

Another Alyssa-ism---I was telling the girls that we were all going to get haircuts for the summer---and jokingly told them even Daddy (who shaves his head daily) to which Alyssa responded---"Mom, Dad doesn't need a haircut--he only has weeds." I am now beginning to wonder if we should just let his "weeds" grow and we can have a family weed pulling activity.

So if I don't blog regularly you can NOW better understand, I am feeling constantly sheepish as I am being outsmarted by a 3 year old and half the time I don't even know it. Imagine my blog in ten years and you have a frightening concept.

Where does one start?

Okay---so after several people saying I don't update my blog enough, I am going to try and keep it more up on MY life. However...in my defense---several of these complaints came from friends I had no idea were even following it, SOOOO if I had known they were reading, maybe I would have been more apt to write .....then again...maybe not, but let's pretend.

Today the girls and I went to the park and McD's with some friends and we had the discussion of what they would/do write about in their blogs...they both said their kids...I had to ponder this and think---WHAT DO I REALLY WRITE ABOUT???? If you have ever had a conversation with me (which if you are reading this blog I would hope you have...) you know that I can often be like a tornado picking up a topic and dropping it and moving quickly to another---pretty much all over the place---and I feel that is what my blog is like---what is on my mind at the moment...so here you have it...

Sometimes it seems that life is so fast paced you don't even realize you haven't taken the time to stop and smell the roses---afterall you don't even realize they have bloomed because you were spinning your head in a 360 ---that has been the last few months---nothing bad, few fun things...but go go go...and NOW everything has calmed down and I feel a bit overwehlmed with the time I have and where to start. SO what has changed in my life:

1. I am no longer working two days a week---I know that two days isn't a lot, but it was a committment and a guaranteed obligation. The building where the Mother's Day Out program I have worked at for the last two years officially was sold---and our program is now homeless and I am jobless. For me it was a bitter sweet---I had made several dear friends, but had been debating about whether or not to continue the next year, not that I would have ever chosen for it to be homeless, but it made one less decision I had to make.

2. Victoria is done with soccer, all three school clubs and school. I didn't realize we had "overbooked" her---the clubs were not all every week, but they took their toll on my free time.

3. I was released from being the Primary secretary a couple months ago---and that took more toll on me than I realized---I didn't mind it---but bi-weekly meetings added yet another responsibility.


I guess I didn't really need to number them---I thought SOMETHING more must have changed---but those few things are it. And that is where we have been at---we also took a 3 day camping trip to Santa Clause, Indiana---I have pics and fun stuff to share---but for tonight---it's an update and about the best I can do.

What things keep you from relaxing in life? What times have you found that your life was in chaos?