The last few months I have thought often about posting and what to say and what NOT to say...so here goes.
Many of you know that I have wanted three kids for pretty much as long as I can remember. 2 girls and 1 boy in that order. SOOOO far, so good, until about a year ago. With PCOS, well let's say the two I have in all reality are a miracle. And after much stress, and some heartache, my body and I together have more or less decided that #3 isn't going to enter this family. This isn't going to be some long post on infertility, cuz let's face it I have two and that is wonderful! Plus the two I have are pretty great and the third one could have been a screw up, so why risk it right?
The bigger issue that I am facing is being at a point in life I had in no way anticipated right now.
Yes, Lyssie went to school in the fall, and at first the idea of all day by myself was exciting, oh the places I would go and all the things I would do. But now, I am a bit of a lost soul, wondering what's next? Yes, I know the options are limitless---work, go back for more schooling, volunteer, lots of hobbies, Yada yada yada. But for real, I have come to the harsh conclusion that somewhere in the last ten years I forgot who I am without these sweet little attachments holding my hand all the time. I definately try to be more involved with them both at school, volunteering, having lunch with them, etc. Truth is I don't even know what I like....and I know I don't like cleaning the house and cooking ALLLLL the time. And apparently it must be a little lonely too, because I find myself talking to the dog far more often than one might consider normal. LOL! So all you Moms who have been there--help me out? What would be next for you?
5 comments:
Mel, it is very hard. But you will get there. You can find what you need to do and figure out who you are. Pray, and study, and even fast if you need to. Go to the gym. Get your hair done and get a pedicure. Take care of yourself and you will find that you are worth taking care of. And the rest will fall into place. Remember that the Lord loves you, and so do I. Start there.
Gosh Christy, you are gonna make me cry:) Thanks, I know you are right on, just sometimes it is hard getting to that point.
just saw your blog.. and I have to say..its a hard adjustment..hang in there.. I swore up and down when my kids were finally in school I would get my Personal Trainer cert. and work more while the kids are at school.. I did that almost 2 years ago..its not what I was expecting..I love helping people find their love of fitness but there is a lot to be done at home and when you are not there..its a time crunch to get it all done..my point is..take the time to figure out what you want..try different hobbies..because most importantly you are still the one who holds those hands ..just not all day..you have time! Good luck!!
Thank you Rebecca for the advice. I think it's just going to take time and life experience to get where I want to be. And yes MOST important is that I need to remember to continue to "hold their hands", but accept that it is in a much different form. Each day it gets a wee bit easier and I feel a little closer to figuring out what it is that makes me tick...
Ian goes to kindergarten this August and I am hyperventilating just thinking about it. He's only a baaaaby! But I already have plans. ;) For the first time ever, all my children will have the same school schedule -- no flex, no nuthin. Just traditional, year round, all day school. I am going to ramp up the home biz and get creative! I really think that with time and energy to focus, it could be a very successful business. We will see!
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