Elements of Friendship

Over the last few months for whatever reason (maybe the lesson in Relief Society a month ago spurred it), but I have been having an intense gratitude for friends. Over the last couple months I have had a variety of experiences each causing me to evaluate my own strengths and weaknesses as a friend. And these are the things I think I have learned....

• In friendship sometimes you are the giver, sometimes the taker...but try not to be one or the other for too long...everyone wants to be needed and everyone has needs.
• Friendships may dissolve...it happens...sometimes due to distance, life changes, etc...it doesn't mean you are a bad friend, if you made a mistake learn from it...I know I make many.
• Sometimes friendships re-kindle and you find that although years have passed things are the same as they once were --just in a different time in your life and there is AMAZING happiness when that happens. You find a piece of your life you didn't know was missing. I know this sounds cheesy but I have had this experience so much in the last few months (in one case thanks to Facebook) and it's just AWESOME!
• Don't be afraid to express your love for your friends or gratitude for their gifts and talents. I am surrounded by so many talented and wonderful people...I always had a hard time expressing my love for people..but something in me has changed and if I see a talent or am grateful for someone, I now try to express it. Life is so fragile and I don't want to miss a moment.
• Some of the best friends can be found in the rarest of situations. My Dad and Mom have a gift for enveloping those around with kindness and friendship. Sometimes we think that if we don't have TONS in common with a person, then what's the point of the friendship. Too many times in my own life, it is those I have the least in common with that can teach me the most about a whole different world that I know nothing about. (Don't get me wrong I am not out on skid row...just sometimes people that I wouldn't have thought of...)

I don't write this because I know it all...I don't and am learning...but I am so grateful for the treasured friends that I have and through them I see God's hand in my life. I only hope that I can be that friend in return. Thanks Ash, Betsy and Heather especially for helping me to remember what friendship is really all about..

What have you learned about friendship? Who has inspired you?

Who am I?

Okay---so really, I don't want my blog to be about DEEP stuff all the time, but I am a thinker and frightening as it may be...it comes out a only a little bit on this blog. SO, Sunday my family was together, with some friends and someone who has known me for a VERY long time....said something that really has disturbed me...she said "Yeah...you were a tough one, Melanie" (referring to my teenage years...). Really? Seriously? I recently was also informed that another woman in my ward told my mother I was a rebel back in my teen years...again ---seriously? I know people say things without really thinking them through...but if I was a rebel it was a pathetic one. I can only hope and pray that my girls are the kind of "rebel" I was---I guess if you are Mormon you have a different perspective of what a REBEL is...but to me dancing close at church dances, drinking Dr. Pepper, talking during seminary (and occasionally showing up late---can you believe it), and kissing boys (NOTHING more) does NOT define a rebel. Don't get me wrong I liked to portray that I was on the edge...(no one wanted to be "too good" ) but truth be told---I wasn't.
So what misinterpretations or things have others noted about you---that couldn't be more incorrect?

What's up at this end.....

So it's been a month since I last updated and I am embarrassed to say that a myriad of amusing/exciting things have happened, hence why I haven't blogged---I have been busy...

• Victoria started 3rd grade...it just doesn't seem right. She is doing okay---but having a bit of a hard adjustment to the "mean kids" that seem to end up in every class. She takes so much to heart that it eats her alive sometimes...I am not sure where she gets it (hope you can sense the sarcasm there!) And let me tell you I had no idea that such words as "definitely" and" San Francisco" could be 3rd grade spelling words! I discovered after way too may years to count, that definAtely is NOT spelled with an "A"--harsh reality for me.
• Victoria also started soccer again---she has a new coach and her colors are black and bright orange---perfect for the fall---just wish they'd get new ones in the Spring.
• Victoria has started piano and starts choir tomorrow morning---we haven't been keeping up well with piano since her teacher (Grandma) has been out of town for almost 2 weeks, (gotta blame someone right?) but we ARE trying.
• Alyssa started dance two weeks ago---she Loves it!
• Alyssa ALSO started pre-school last week for 2 1/2 hours a day---3 days a week----giving me what? FREE TIME! I am having a bit of a hard time with it---just really missing her---but give it another week or two and a few more miserable trips to the store WITH her and I think I will start really enjoying it.
• Alyssa also turned 4 AND got her ears pierced---I have a TON of pics---but I am handicapped when it comes to downloading pics from the camera and CD's so that is why often there are very few on here.

All in all things are good. I am really looking forward to a GIRLS weekend out. This weekend my Mom and I are driving to Owensboro, Kentucky where my best friend growing up (Ashly) is meeting us---as here Mom lives there and we are going to play. I can hardly wait---NO KIDS---FUN PEOPLE!---RELAXATION---NO RESPONSIBILITY---you get the picture...I am hoping to come back refreshed and possibly ready to get back to reality. Well there you have it an update...and it's ALL for you Shannon---BTW---how often do I have to update it to avoid the "YOU NEVER UPDATE YOUR BLOG" comments from you Shannon? Give me a heads up!

Too Deep

I write this post with a bit of hesitation as it is quite a bit personal. I am not looking for sympathy or pity...more just an outlet. So here goes...

The last few weeks and months have been hard on me, my little family and my extended family. So much has happened over the last year it has been hard to blog at times for fear of just whining and spilling out every emotion that I have been feeling, which unfortunately at times have been less than positive. Just about two weeks ago, my Dad had another stroke. Yes, this is part of the disease, and is to be expected, however with every stroke comes the harsh reality that life is fragile. My father's especially right now. Not knowning whether we have today, tomorrow, or years. It seems that we are losing bits of him all the time, as he once said of his own father when he passed away, " I lost my Dad a long time ago." I have shed many tears in quiet moments by myself, and had embarrassing times in public realms when something touches a tender spot and the tears flow without control. It's hard to see my Mom suffer and be unable to ease the pain. Above all though, it's painful to see my Dad suffer. The biggest challenge of this disease is that it comes and goes...some things are constant, but often he will say things and not remember he has even said them, while other times he will almost be the Father I have always known. He knows that he is dying bit by bit and fears being stuck in a body and mind that isn't working, but is helpless.
One of my biggest faults is that I want to make everything all better, I want to fix things, everyone else and have peace. This time there is very little I can do and my heart aches in my helplessness. I know I am not alone in my pain, as I have siblings who hurt as well, but we each feel things differently and handle them in seperate ways. I will say that it has pulled us together on more than one occassion, and wonder if this is something we are supposed to gain from this experience. Again, I know the basics and know this is all part of a plan that I often don't clearly understand, and it is all for a purpose, but there are days when the overwelhming hurt of losing a parent when I feel far too young and unprepared seems plainly unfair.

Three days of bliss:

In the beginning of June our crew went to Santa Clause, Indiana. First of all let me tell you, if you live in the midwest and haven't been, it is a must do. We loved it. It is a small---very small---town that has an amusement park and water park called Holiday world. We opted to go for three nights. However, here is the catch---anyone that knows me, would guess I am not quite a camping girl---and that is truly the case. Bugs love me, making it less than desirable for me to spend too much time outside, but I digress. We opted for the cheaper option and stayed at Camp Rudolph. Now this camp is NOT roughing it by any means, but we did sleep in a tent and that was roughing it enough for me. Thank goodness for air matresses --which made sleeping on the ground dealable. It was funny to have the girls all over the mattresses as I would inadvertantly catipult them. There was lots of laughs. We had lots of fun together as a family even though we did get rained on, two of the nights. It was a good bonding trip and a nice getaway without spending too much of our savings. What fun getaways have you done this summer?

Needed a break!

So things here have been quiet on the home front---well in general, however there has been a great deal of fighting and it seems my daughters are once again on the war path with one another... Really it is a love/hate relationship--one minute they are the best of friends amicably playing barbies and the next they are fighting over which Barbie is whose. Alyssa is the instigator and I am beside myself as to what to do. As a result Alyssa (who is 3 and will be 4 in August) and I had the following conversation--keep in mind, my children are quite conversationalists at very young ages--not sure where they might get that...sigh.

Me: Alyssa what is going on? Why have you been so whiney and nasty lately?

Alyssa: I haven't been getting enough 'tention lately---Torie gets to go places with you and I have to stay home with Daddy. I need more loves and that is why I have been a little grumpy lately.

So as you can see I am in trouble with this child---she plays her cards well and is already smarter than I am---the scarey part is that she has been for...quite a while.

Another Alyssa-ism---I was telling the girls that we were all going to get haircuts for the summer---and jokingly told them even Daddy (who shaves his head daily) to which Alyssa responded---"Mom, Dad doesn't need a haircut--he only has weeds." I am now beginning to wonder if we should just let his "weeds" grow and we can have a family weed pulling activity.

So if I don't blog regularly you can NOW better understand, I am feeling constantly sheepish as I am being outsmarted by a 3 year old and half the time I don't even know it. Imagine my blog in ten years and you have a frightening concept.

Where does one start?

Okay---so after several people saying I don't update my blog enough, I am going to try and keep it more up on MY life. However...in my defense---several of these complaints came from friends I had no idea were even following it, SOOOO if I had known they were reading, maybe I would have been more apt to write .....then again...maybe not, but let's pretend.

Today the girls and I went to the park and McD's with some friends and we had the discussion of what they would/do write about in their blogs...they both said their kids...I had to ponder this and think---WHAT DO I REALLY WRITE ABOUT???? If you have ever had a conversation with me (which if you are reading this blog I would hope you have...) you know that I can often be like a tornado picking up a topic and dropping it and moving quickly to another---pretty much all over the place---and I feel that is what my blog is like---what is on my mind at the moment...so here you have it...

Sometimes it seems that life is so fast paced you don't even realize you haven't taken the time to stop and smell the roses---afterall you don't even realize they have bloomed because you were spinning your head in a 360 ---that has been the last few months---nothing bad, few fun things...but go go go...and NOW everything has calmed down and I feel a bit overwehlmed with the time I have and where to start. SO what has changed in my life:

1. I am no longer working two days a week---I know that two days isn't a lot, but it was a committment and a guaranteed obligation. The building where the Mother's Day Out program I have worked at for the last two years officially was sold---and our program is now homeless and I am jobless. For me it was a bitter sweet---I had made several dear friends, but had been debating about whether or not to continue the next year, not that I would have ever chosen for it to be homeless, but it made one less decision I had to make.

2. Victoria is done with soccer, all three school clubs and school. I didn't realize we had "overbooked" her---the clubs were not all every week, but they took their toll on my free time.

3. I was released from being the Primary secretary a couple months ago---and that took more toll on me than I realized---I didn't mind it---but bi-weekly meetings added yet another responsibility.


I guess I didn't really need to number them---I thought SOMETHING more must have changed---but those few things are it. And that is where we have been at---we also took a 3 day camping trip to Santa Clause, Indiana---I have pics and fun stuff to share---but for tonight---it's an update and about the best I can do.

What things keep you from relaxing in life? What times have you found that your life was in chaos?