Elements of Friendship

Over the last few months for whatever reason (maybe the lesson in Relief Society a month ago spurred it), but I have been having an intense gratitude for friends. Over the last couple months I have had a variety of experiences each causing me to evaluate my own strengths and weaknesses as a friend. And these are the things I think I have learned....

• In friendship sometimes you are the giver, sometimes the taker...but try not to be one or the other for too long...everyone wants to be needed and everyone has needs.
• Friendships may dissolve...it happens...sometimes due to distance, life changes, etc...it doesn't mean you are a bad friend, if you made a mistake learn from it...I know I make many.
• Sometimes friendships re-kindle and you find that although years have passed things are the same as they once were --just in a different time in your life and there is AMAZING happiness when that happens. You find a piece of your life you didn't know was missing. I know this sounds cheesy but I have had this experience so much in the last few months (in one case thanks to Facebook) and it's just AWESOME!
• Don't be afraid to express your love for your friends or gratitude for their gifts and talents. I am surrounded by so many talented and wonderful people...I always had a hard time expressing my love for people..but something in me has changed and if I see a talent or am grateful for someone, I now try to express it. Life is so fragile and I don't want to miss a moment.
• Some of the best friends can be found in the rarest of situations. My Dad and Mom have a gift for enveloping those around with kindness and friendship. Sometimes we think that if we don't have TONS in common with a person, then what's the point of the friendship. Too many times in my own life, it is those I have the least in common with that can teach me the most about a whole different world that I know nothing about. (Don't get me wrong I am not out on skid row...just sometimes people that I wouldn't have thought of...)

I don't write this because I know it all...I don't and am learning...but I am so grateful for the treasured friends that I have and through them I see God's hand in my life. I only hope that I can be that friend in return. Thanks Ash, Betsy and Heather especially for helping me to remember what friendship is really all about..

What have you learned about friendship? Who has inspired you?

Who am I?

Okay---so really, I don't want my blog to be about DEEP stuff all the time, but I am a thinker and frightening as it may be...it comes out a only a little bit on this blog. SO, Sunday my family was together, with some friends and someone who has known me for a VERY long time....said something that really has disturbed me...she said "Yeah...you were a tough one, Melanie" (referring to my teenage years...). Really? Seriously? I recently was also informed that another woman in my ward told my mother I was a rebel back in my teen years...again ---seriously? I know people say things without really thinking them through...but if I was a rebel it was a pathetic one. I can only hope and pray that my girls are the kind of "rebel" I was---I guess if you are Mormon you have a different perspective of what a REBEL is...but to me dancing close at church dances, drinking Dr. Pepper, talking during seminary (and occasionally showing up late---can you believe it), and kissing boys (NOTHING more) does NOT define a rebel. Don't get me wrong I liked to portray that I was on the edge...(no one wanted to be "too good" ) but truth be told---I wasn't.
So what misinterpretations or things have others noted about you---that couldn't be more incorrect?

What's up at this end.....

So it's been a month since I last updated and I am embarrassed to say that a myriad of amusing/exciting things have happened, hence why I haven't blogged---I have been busy...

• Victoria started 3rd grade...it just doesn't seem right. She is doing okay---but having a bit of a hard adjustment to the "mean kids" that seem to end up in every class. She takes so much to heart that it eats her alive sometimes...I am not sure where she gets it (hope you can sense the sarcasm there!) And let me tell you I had no idea that such words as "definitely" and" San Francisco" could be 3rd grade spelling words! I discovered after way too may years to count, that definAtely is NOT spelled with an "A"--harsh reality for me.
• Victoria also started soccer again---she has a new coach and her colors are black and bright orange---perfect for the fall---just wish they'd get new ones in the Spring.
• Victoria has started piano and starts choir tomorrow morning---we haven't been keeping up well with piano since her teacher (Grandma) has been out of town for almost 2 weeks, (gotta blame someone right?) but we ARE trying.
• Alyssa started dance two weeks ago---she Loves it!
• Alyssa ALSO started pre-school last week for 2 1/2 hours a day---3 days a week----giving me what? FREE TIME! I am having a bit of a hard time with it---just really missing her---but give it another week or two and a few more miserable trips to the store WITH her and I think I will start really enjoying it.
• Alyssa also turned 4 AND got her ears pierced---I have a TON of pics---but I am handicapped when it comes to downloading pics from the camera and CD's so that is why often there are very few on here.

All in all things are good. I am really looking forward to a GIRLS weekend out. This weekend my Mom and I are driving to Owensboro, Kentucky where my best friend growing up (Ashly) is meeting us---as here Mom lives there and we are going to play. I can hardly wait---NO KIDS---FUN PEOPLE!---RELAXATION---NO RESPONSIBILITY---you get the picture...I am hoping to come back refreshed and possibly ready to get back to reality. Well there you have it an update...and it's ALL for you Shannon---BTW---how often do I have to update it to avoid the "YOU NEVER UPDATE YOUR BLOG" comments from you Shannon? Give me a heads up!

Too Deep

I write this post with a bit of hesitation as it is quite a bit personal. I am not looking for sympathy or pity...more just an outlet. So here goes...

The last few weeks and months have been hard on me, my little family and my extended family. So much has happened over the last year it has been hard to blog at times for fear of just whining and spilling out every emotion that I have been feeling, which unfortunately at times have been less than positive. Just about two weeks ago, my Dad had another stroke. Yes, this is part of the disease, and is to be expected, however with every stroke comes the harsh reality that life is fragile. My father's especially right now. Not knowning whether we have today, tomorrow, or years. It seems that we are losing bits of him all the time, as he once said of his own father when he passed away, " I lost my Dad a long time ago." I have shed many tears in quiet moments by myself, and had embarrassing times in public realms when something touches a tender spot and the tears flow without control. It's hard to see my Mom suffer and be unable to ease the pain. Above all though, it's painful to see my Dad suffer. The biggest challenge of this disease is that it comes and goes...some things are constant, but often he will say things and not remember he has even said them, while other times he will almost be the Father I have always known. He knows that he is dying bit by bit and fears being stuck in a body and mind that isn't working, but is helpless.
One of my biggest faults is that I want to make everything all better, I want to fix things, everyone else and have peace. This time there is very little I can do and my heart aches in my helplessness. I know I am not alone in my pain, as I have siblings who hurt as well, but we each feel things differently and handle them in seperate ways. I will say that it has pulled us together on more than one occassion, and wonder if this is something we are supposed to gain from this experience. Again, I know the basics and know this is all part of a plan that I often don't clearly understand, and it is all for a purpose, but there are days when the overwelhming hurt of losing a parent when I feel far too young and unprepared seems plainly unfair.

Three days of bliss:

In the beginning of June our crew went to Santa Clause, Indiana. First of all let me tell you, if you live in the midwest and haven't been, it is a must do. We loved it. It is a small---very small---town that has an amusement park and water park called Holiday world. We opted to go for three nights. However, here is the catch---anyone that knows me, would guess I am not quite a camping girl---and that is truly the case. Bugs love me, making it less than desirable for me to spend too much time outside, but I digress. We opted for the cheaper option and stayed at Camp Rudolph. Now this camp is NOT roughing it by any means, but we did sleep in a tent and that was roughing it enough for me. Thank goodness for air matresses --which made sleeping on the ground dealable. It was funny to have the girls all over the mattresses as I would inadvertantly catipult them. There was lots of laughs. We had lots of fun together as a family even though we did get rained on, two of the nights. It was a good bonding trip and a nice getaway without spending too much of our savings. What fun getaways have you done this summer?

Needed a break!

So things here have been quiet on the home front---well in general, however there has been a great deal of fighting and it seems my daughters are once again on the war path with one another... Really it is a love/hate relationship--one minute they are the best of friends amicably playing barbies and the next they are fighting over which Barbie is whose. Alyssa is the instigator and I am beside myself as to what to do. As a result Alyssa (who is 3 and will be 4 in August) and I had the following conversation--keep in mind, my children are quite conversationalists at very young ages--not sure where they might get that...sigh.

Me: Alyssa what is going on? Why have you been so whiney and nasty lately?

Alyssa: I haven't been getting enough 'tention lately---Torie gets to go places with you and I have to stay home with Daddy. I need more loves and that is why I have been a little grumpy lately.

So as you can see I am in trouble with this child---she plays her cards well and is already smarter than I am---the scarey part is that she has been for...quite a while.

Another Alyssa-ism---I was telling the girls that we were all going to get haircuts for the summer---and jokingly told them even Daddy (who shaves his head daily) to which Alyssa responded---"Mom, Dad doesn't need a haircut--he only has weeds." I am now beginning to wonder if we should just let his "weeds" grow and we can have a family weed pulling activity.

So if I don't blog regularly you can NOW better understand, I am feeling constantly sheepish as I am being outsmarted by a 3 year old and half the time I don't even know it. Imagine my blog in ten years and you have a frightening concept.

Where does one start?

Okay---so after several people saying I don't update my blog enough, I am going to try and keep it more up on MY life. However...in my defense---several of these complaints came from friends I had no idea were even following it, SOOOO if I had known they were reading, maybe I would have been more apt to write .....then again...maybe not, but let's pretend.

Today the girls and I went to the park and McD's with some friends and we had the discussion of what they would/do write about in their blogs...they both said their kids...I had to ponder this and think---WHAT DO I REALLY WRITE ABOUT???? If you have ever had a conversation with me (which if you are reading this blog I would hope you have...) you know that I can often be like a tornado picking up a topic and dropping it and moving quickly to another---pretty much all over the place---and I feel that is what my blog is like---what is on my mind at the moment...so here you have it...

Sometimes it seems that life is so fast paced you don't even realize you haven't taken the time to stop and smell the roses---afterall you don't even realize they have bloomed because you were spinning your head in a 360 ---that has been the last few months---nothing bad, few fun things...but go go go...and NOW everything has calmed down and I feel a bit overwehlmed with the time I have and where to start. SO what has changed in my life:

1. I am no longer working two days a week---I know that two days isn't a lot, but it was a committment and a guaranteed obligation. The building where the Mother's Day Out program I have worked at for the last two years officially was sold---and our program is now homeless and I am jobless. For me it was a bitter sweet---I had made several dear friends, but had been debating about whether or not to continue the next year, not that I would have ever chosen for it to be homeless, but it made one less decision I had to make.

2. Victoria is done with soccer, all three school clubs and school. I didn't realize we had "overbooked" her---the clubs were not all every week, but they took their toll on my free time.

3. I was released from being the Primary secretary a couple months ago---and that took more toll on me than I realized---I didn't mind it---but bi-weekly meetings added yet another responsibility.


I guess I didn't really need to number them---I thought SOMETHING more must have changed---but those few things are it. And that is where we have been at---we also took a 3 day camping trip to Santa Clause, Indiana---I have pics and fun stuff to share---but for tonight---it's an update and about the best I can do.

What things keep you from relaxing in life? What times have you found that your life was in chaos?

PICS!

These are a bit old---but they are my TORIE!

My dear Victoria!

The last month or so has been a bit of a blur---nothing bad---just busy. As a result I have neglected my duty to blog, once a blogger always a blogger? In addition, I have neglected my responsibility to read others blogs---I hope I am forgiven and allowed to return to the world of blogging...if not then bypass my latest update , get over it and move on...

April and May have been full months for my little family---Victoria turned 8 on the 13th of April. With 8 being the age of baptism in our faith, she was very excited and ready. She was then baptized on the 2nd of May.

Victoria is such an amazing child. I often don't feel like I as a parent deserve such a sweet, obedient child. She was born a little adult and has such an understanding of life. She is such a happy girl. She will often come up to me and hug me and say "I am so glad I am on this earth." She is just glad to be alive and finds such joy in the simple things---the things that I, as an adult so often have forgotten and fail to notice. She has such an amazing love for her little sister who desires to be just like her...in so many ways. She finds happiness in all the little things around her and it is a gift to our family...without her I would be lost---she is such a part of me and my world. She loves so much to be with mom and dad that she won't sleep over at anyone's house...even my parents...she just has to be with us. It's funny to leave my 3 year old and have my 8 year old say..."No Mom, I want to go home with you." I laugh as I was the very same way when I was young...sometimes the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

Her baptism was great and the Bishop was very impressed with how ready she was--he said she was the most prepared child he had seen since he had been Bishop---(I know I shouldn't brag---but I really don't take credit---it is the person she is...not my doing as much as I hate to admit it).

Happy Birthday Victoria---!!!!

Ode to my sibling: Aaron

Okay---so things here have been busy---but I felt like posting tonight---not sure why, just did.
I decided that I would do a little "ODE to my siblings" . I figure I will do an ode to one sibling at a time, so I will start with Aaron.....SOOOOOOOO:
Ode to Aaron:
Anyone that knows Aaron knows he has given me quite a few different aspects to work with...where to start...where to start....
Aaron is a natural comedian, he can have our whole family in pain from laughing so hard. He has a knack for thinking up things...that my brain, just naturally doesn't. He is the only person I know that could think of replacing a sandwich from one of the rotating, vending machines with someone's underwear, so they would have to pay to get them back. Sick and wrong---YES..., funny...also yes! Problem is that you will NEVER win if you try to get him back---payback isn't worth it, unless you do it in secrecy. In High School, Aaron constantly snagged my hairspray (which with my minimal income I covered) and he would use tons. It took him as long to get ready in High school with his feathered 80's do as it did me (and I had the BIG bangs---NE-ways...I digress), so I had enough and left a wee bit in the buttom of the bottle (so it smelled the same) and filled the rest with sugar water. Oh how it did my heart good when he would come home and his hair was flat and nappy (can I say nappy?) ---the bathroom counter was entirely sticky and sugar coated, but Aaron never figured it out. It was years before I told him---and I laughed, and laughed and still laugh. Some of the hardest times I have ever laughed was because of him!
Aaron has bonded with the people from his mission like no one else I have ever known. He has been home for 17 years and still goes back regularly to visit. His mission really changed his interests in his life and who he has become. He is much more of an outdoorsman than he was before it.
Aaron is a huge example of faith to me. I have recently watched him and been so impressed with how strong his testimony of God is and his devotion to his family. His love for his children is amazing and he knows what he wants.
I have really grown to look up to Aaron and am proud of who he is and continues to become! I love you Aaron!
What stories Memories do you have of Aaron that make you laugh, cry, etc?

Once a month....I post

Okay---so I have been horrible at posting---this new thing called FACEBOOK---has really distracted me. However, I have also been overwehlmed with both positive and negative things in my life. I will begin with the positives:
My Father retired last Friday. Now this may not be a big thing to some people, but my Dad has worked for Dupont since before I was born. THAT'S A LONG TIME! We (mainly Jared, my Mom, Samantha, and some of my Dad's co-workers) managed to pull off a surprise retirement party last Saturday. It was an fabulous experience. I have always loved my Father and been proud of him, but as I saw people that came in from all over the United States (California, Nevada, Montana, New York, Illinois, Tennesee, Florida, Arkansas,--you get the point) just to be there, it was amazing. They honored my Dad with different people telling about their experiences with him. I don't mean to gloat, but I felt so blessed and honored to be his child. The things people said about him were amazing to me. I think sometimes we fail to see how incredible people we love are, as we are used to them and take them for granted. It made me love my Father more than ever.
My sister mentioned something in her blog, and I have thought about mentioning it, but didn't know quite where to start--so Denae---YES I am copying you...sort of, and discussing MY feelings about the current family situation. As many of you are aware, I have a sibling who is going through a very unexpected divorce. We have all sat in a state of shock as we have watched someone we have known and loved make choices that seem so contrary to the person we knew. I shed many tears for my sibling--it's hard to see someone you love hurt and not be able to take away the pain. However, I also shed tears for me...for I lost a family member. Someone who shared the joys, and pains with my family for many years...someone who held a place in my heart. I guess what it all comes down to is the same thing I said in a previous blog---No man is an Island. We are all parts of one another's lives and if we choose to do something, whether it be get a divorce, make poor choices, or whatever else...others are affected. In this case...I am one of those people and it has really helped me to RE-evaluate those things that I desire in my life. When we betray our spouse, because we want to play, experience life or whatever else...we betray far more than one individual. I don't ever want to cause anyone the kind of pain I have seen and am hoping that I can live my life more in accordance with seeking the desires of my heart and never with my desires of one moment.
Okay...not sure if that made the sense it did in my head... !

Random tag!

Got Tagged!Here are the Rules Once Tagged:
I was tagged back in November---a bit late---took me forever to think of truly/rare random things- but here goes!
1) Link to the person who tagged you: Cara
!2) Post the rules on your blog (copy and paste 1-5).
3) Write 6 random things about yourself (see below).
4) Tag 6 people at the end of your post.
5) Let them know they are tagged and leave a comment so they know when your post is up.

1. I love vacuums, pjs and beauty products---not necessarily in that order---but somehow I end up collecting them all---YES even vacuums---I love to buy vacuums ---my sister likes them too, and my brother loves to vacuum when he's stressed---so I am not sure why this obsession exists in my family---but friends it does! As far as PJ's ---always buy them for my girls---can't help myself. Beauty products---I don't know I guess I am just always curious to see what the newest lip or hair product can do.

2. As a child I would vomit when I ran---Yes this is a rare gem of information. I didn't mind running, but I would have a lump in my throat and there you have it. This was a bit of a disadvantage as I loved to run and even hoped to play soccer---but let's face as great as I would have been as a secret weapon---I avoided the field and to this day am fairly horrible at soccer. Sigh....

3. All my siblings, and even my parents were all born in the same town in California. Good ol' Hayward. Seeing as I did move around quite a bit the rest of my life---it seems inconceivable that all five kids were born at Kaiser in Hayward---it did happen. My family had a long history in Hayward---even my grandpa's (my mom's dad and dad's dad) walked home from Jr. High together...

4. I have always had a desire to go back to school for some random jobs or even just do a few different ones that don't require an education---and here are a few: hair stylist, esthetician, Marriage and Family Therapist, Accountant, aerobic instructor (that one is a ways off), financial planner, interior decorator for now that is all I can think of, but I am always coming up with more jobs I would love to do before I die---I had to try out waiting tables for this very reason---it was a nogo---liked the money and the people at the tables---not the environment.

5. I love to decorate my house and would LOVE to help others---I guess that this is a take off of the previous one---my house is currently not up to my desired standard---but I love to redo rooms. I love to get new ideas and wish I had a magic helper to paint and put up pictures as I like (My husband does the job on occasion---but he does have a regular job)---it is the creative side of me.

6. I have an addictive personality---no, no, this is not some kind of confession, it is just the way I am. I get quickly addicted to things and am very grateful I don't drink or smoke as I would struggle forever to quit. For some reason that is just my temperment...

And there you have it...I am going to break the cycle and not pass this on as I know so many of you have done it before, but there you have it---my random quirks!

Updating

Okay...so this blog will be a MYRIAD of things afterall it has been like a month..where does one start?
Holidays...they were okay...with family stress it tends to take the relaxation out of it, however it happened and we all survived, and I think the kids had a good one. We did lots of extra fun things like lights at the zoo (nevermind we spent 90% of the time in the BuildaBear with the kids...I'll post pics later--it's funny!), watched lots of Christmas shows, did Breakfast with Santa, made a gingerbread house, etc. I think we did our parental responsibility of "making it fun", and even managed to have some fun ourselves---can you believe it?
Latest quotes from Alyssa...

• She put on a pair of overalls....and comes out saying, "Hey Mom, I am a farm!"
• One night she was sitting and looking at me..."Do you like looking at mommy?--
  "Yes. " "Why?", to which she responded, "Because I love you." MELT MY HEART!
• The other day my mom asked her to turn out the light in the bathroom, to which she responded..."IT'S NOT EASY!"
• And my favorite---Alyssa doesn't sleep well in her own bed---so when she does she gets a treat. One morning, I was having a chocolate to which she responded.."Mom you weep (sleep) in your own bed." "Why yes Alyssa I did!"

She is my clown all the time. It's hard to keep her in line cuz she makes me laugh so much.

Well I hope that you all had a Merry Christmas and have WONDERFUL New YEAR! Loves to ALL!